Sirius Black and his Quest for the Pop tart
by ScaramoucheJay
Summary: No, not the delicious fruit-filled toasted snack! Some interesting made-up divination homework may have more truth to it than it first appears...
1. She was in fact blue

Disclaimer: Okay as much as I'd like to, I own none of these characters (worst luck). Though in the future, I hope to get my mucky paws on Remus (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrowl!). Sirius and his quest for the Pop Tart Chapter 1:  She was in fact blue… (Blue moon) 

"It was blue. Very blue. And she was… not blue. Very not blue." Sirius' brow was creased with concentration as he inked out his very… interesting made up divination homework.

"Can't you think of anything better than that?" Sirius looked up, tongue still poking out between his teeth, and met the gaze of James Potter. 

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius, rubbing his nose and leaving a smudge of black ink on the side of it. Several girls nearby nearly swooned at this (apparently) adorable sight. 

"I mean it's always 'blue, very blue,'" said James in exasperation.

"Well at least she doesn't always have red hair," replied Sirius, glancing over his shoulder at the table behind where Lily Evans and her friends sat. James blushed very red and looked at his thumb with avid interest. Sirius smirked, turning back to his parchment, "And the grass was green. Very green…"

*                                     *                                     *

Sirius reclined on his overstuffed pouf. He felt very please with himself. He always did well in divination. The Professor, being female, loved him. In fact she seemed to think that the sun shone from his… anyway. He closed his eyes and leaned back further. Yep. Definite O. He could practically feel it. He heard the gentle thud of parchment land on his desk. He opened one eye and glanced down… His eyes flew open. D. D for dismal. It sat on his table, huge and red. He couldn't have got a D… He had never got a D before. He glanced at James work. E. Sirius threw his paper down in disgust, and James looked across in surprise. 

"What's up with you?" he asked, messing his hair up with his right hand. Sirius pointed at the large, red letter at the top of his page. "Oh… She probably just noticed it was always blue," said James knowledgably.

"How come she hasn't noticed she always has red hair in your dreams?" 

"Err… Well, mine are real dreams." 

"Picky, picky…" Sirius turned and scowled at the front of the classroom. He could feel that this was not going to be a good day…

*                                     *                                     *

"Mr. Black, I see no reason to be running in the corridors." Sirius screwed up his face, took a deep breath and stopped dead before resuming walking at a far more sedate pace. Professor McNasty walked past swishing his robe in a satisfied manner, and smirking at Sirius in what might have been described as delight. Remus came up beside Sirius and smiled sympathetically. 

"Ignore it, he's only trying to get a reaction from you."

Sirius glared at Remus and carried on walking. Today had not been good. First, a D in Divination. Second, he had spilt his sleeping draft in Potions, earning himself O marks, then to top it off, had offended Amelia Lichen by helpfully telling her she had dirt on her upper lip in Herbology. She hadn't (although she did need to shave more than he did). As he walked into the Great Hall he could feel the whole of the Hufflepuff table turning as one to glare at him. God he hated girls with facial hair. He slumped into his seat next to James, snarling at anyone who greeted, or so much as looked at him. He could still feel the eyes of every single Hufflepuff in the school on the back of his head. Not a comfortable feeling.

"What's up with you?" asked James, startled by his usually happy-go-lucky friends grumpy countenance. Sirius scowled at James some more, who looked across at Remus, who had just eased himself into the opposite seat. Remus shrugged. Sirius, who had busied himself with a glass of pumpkin juice, slammed his goblet down and turned to James. 

"Try two incidents involving McNasty, a D in Divination and one stupid, innocent comment that turns the whole of Hufflepuff house against you."

"What did you say this time?" asked James wearily. 

"He told Amelia Lichen she had dirt on her face in Herbology," answered Remus somberly.

James snorted. Sirius brows knitted further together.

"How was I supposed to know she needed to shave more than me?"

Peter choked on his pumpkin juice.

Turning back to his dinner plate, Sirius had further reason to scowl when he realized his dinner was a delightful concoction of potatoes, gherkins, pickled onions and some liver. This was the last time he didn't pay attention to what he was eating again. He grimaced. 

"Interesting dinner there Padfoot," said Remus, fighting the urge to laugh.

"Shut up Moony," snapped Sirius, "I like liver." He managed to cringe only slightly at the thought of this 'delicious' treat.

*                                     *                                     *

Having finished his dinner with total disgust, Sirius leapt from his seat long before Remus, James or Peter were even nearly finished. 

"Where are you going?" asked James, immediately forgetting his conversation with Peter, who looked more than slightly put out. 

"Dunno." Sirius left, only vague aware of Remus telling James to 'let him go'. Remus had always been good at reading peoples moods. 

Stomping angrily across the entrance hall and into the dark grounds, Sirius was glad to get away from the noise of the Great Hall. He slowed to a walking pace, randomly rambling hither and thither across the grass. He eventually found himself standing beneath a huge beech tree at the edge of the lake, a misty blue haze hanging over its glassy surface. The sickle moon cast silvery light everywhere, and Sirius was put in mind of his divination homework. Grumbling, he stooped over and picked up a small flat rock and skimmed it over the waters surface. The grass was swaying slightly in the gentle breeze. It was certainly green. Sirius hated grass. It made him get D's in Divination. 

Suddenly, Sirius stopped. He listened. A girl's laughter was floating down from the school. Turning towards the sound, Sirius raked his eyes across the landscape, looking for the source of the sound. There, silhouetted in the light of the school was a girl. And she wasn't blue.

*                                     *                                     *

Very slowly, Sirius' brain clicked back into gear. He blinked. What did he usually do in these situations? He… smiled. Yes. Smiling was good. He spoke, they laughed, then he said he'd owl them sometime. Yes, yes. He could do this. He smiled and started his approach. He was Sirius Black, he could do this. He raised his hand to wave, opened his mouth to call out to her, when all of a sudden…

"I AM THE MEROVINGIAN!" 

The girl had brought her hands back, classic kung-fu style, yelled and was now running at him. His hand fell limp to his side, his mouth hung open. Gobsmacked would be an understatement. 

He was about to consider leaping out of the way when she swerved, charging down to the lake. He stood there, his mouth open, staring at the school. Slowly, very slowly, he turned around and saw a small group of girls standing by the lakes edge. They was standing, waving and shouting to 'MEROVINGIAN Girl' and blowing on what looked like bottles full of different amounts of water. 

Thoroughly disturbed, Sirius turned and made his way back up to the castle. The others were not going to believe this.

*                                     *                                     *

Remus, James and Peter stared back at Sirius. Remus looked amused, James knowing and Peter confused. 

"I think we may have discovered the first girl in the history of Hogwarts not to fall over and die in a state of bliss at the mere sight of Sirius Black," said James mussing up his hair with finality.

"Indeed Prongs, I'm going to have to agree with you on that," Remus said, with a slight grin. 

"What?" spluttered Sirius in amazement. This was not the reaction he had wanted. He wanted… well, he wasn't sure what he wanted, but it was not his friends making out he was disgusted at being snubbed. He wasn't. He was… intrigued. Yes. Intrigued. Who was this girl? Why hadn't he seen her around before? "No, no. I don't mean that. My point is I've never even seen this girl around school before, who the hell is she?"

Remus sighed wearily, exchanging a look with James. "What did she look like again?" 

"She was short, not really short, about 5'2ish, with short straight black hair, thick rimmed glasses and brown eyes," replied Sirius, words tumbling out of his mouth left, right and center. "She was oriental." He sat forward looking at Remus eagerly. 

"How did you know she had brown eyes? It was dark," Peter looked at Sirius in awe and wonder.

"I'm special. Well Moony, do you know who she is?"

"What did she shout again?" asked James exchanging a look with Remus.

"I AM THE MEROVINGIAN!" Sirius leapt to his feet and yelled, drawing his hands back as the girl had done. A spattering of first and second years turned around and stared. Everyone else ignored him. They were too used to Sirius' ways to care. 

"Right." James said, glancing at Remus with a smile. 

Remus sat back and started to read his Arithmancy textbook. James snickered and started talking to Peter about the astronomy assignment. 

"Mooneeeeeeey!" whined Sirius, "Tell meeeeeee!"

"Dinkerella Pop."

"What?" Sirius was taken aback that Remus had given in so quickly.

"Dinkerella Pop. Ravenclaw. I have Arithmancy with her second thing on a Tuesday morning with Professor Vector. Third Floor."

"What?"

"Second lesson, Tuesday morning, third floor."

"Oh."

*                                     *                                     *

Sirius waited impatiently for Care of Magical Creature to end. He and James had been trying to get their Hippogriff to rip Snape's head off for the past half an hour, but it wasn't taking the bait. Sirius sighed and leant back on the beast's stomach. He had to run all the way across the grounds up to the castle and then climb three flights of stairs and find the right classroom before she left. Remus had promised to try and delay her, but Sirius seriously doubted he would manage it, how the hell do you start a conversation about Arithmancy? It was just, well, BORING. The Hippogriff growled and Sirius moved away from it, very fast. He doubted Dinkerella would be impressed if he turned up without a head. 

"Right, class dismissed," called Professor Beastie, tugging at the leach of a particularly fierce looking Hippogriff.

"Yes!" shouted Sirius, racing away as fast as possible, only vaguely aware that their homework was to read up to chapter 52 of the text book for a spot test on all previous chapters. He was only on chapter 5. Sirius, even if he had been aware of this wouldn't have cared. Now it was show time, and Dinkerella didn't stand a chance.

Author notes: That wasn't too terrible was it? I'd really appreciate it if you could read and review, as I'm not terribly sure where to go with this yet… meh. Thank you! Chapter two will be up quite soon… provided you like it of course… Smile! You may be on radar… *ü*


	2. I wanna hold your hand

Authors note: Thank you for all the reviews. I feel so special! *Ü* This is quite short, but you know… Well, on with the show! Sirius and his quest for the Pop tart I wanna hold your hand Remus looked up, startled by the bell. It was the end of the lesson. Damn it. Why had he said to Sirius he would delay Dinkerella for him? Why didn't he say no when Sirius asked. Well, begged. Sirius thought he, Remus, was 'accessible' to girls. They thought he was sweet. He was a goddamn werewolf! Grrr! Arg! … What was the point? He here and he was doing it. Of course, James was usually the one who had to do things like this… That would be because James' tongue usually still worked around girls. Always useful when having to talk to them. But James was in Care of Magical Creatures with Sirius. Remus wasn't. Remus was here. And Remus had to do this. He could do this. Yes, yes he could! Go him! 

And with this resounding thought, Remus drew himself up to his full height, and marched straight over to where Dinkerella sat, at the front of the classroom, tensing and relaxing her hands, while staring at them intently. 

Remus eased himself around the desks between him and Dinkerella. He was barely two desks away. Damn you Sirius! He fell over a chair. Nice going there Remus. He couldn't work out why he was so nervous; it wasn't like this was really anything to do with him. Nothing at all. Nothing… Only that Sirius would make his life living hell if he buggered it up. Ah… that'd be why he cared then. He was in front of her desk now.  He raised his hand, tried to make his tongue work. 

"Haooo?"

Dinkerella looked up. She cocked her head to one side; blinking and regarding his worried look through her bespectacled eyes. She drew her hands up level with her chin and wind milled them around her head once, before stretching one arm forwards, pulling one back, pointing at Remus the whole time.

"Yo."

If Remus hadn't known what to say before, now he was completely speechless. His right hand was lifted in greeting and his mouth hung wide open. Dinkerella regarded him again, head on one side. She removed her glasses and cleaned them. Remus frantically tried to think of something to say. How could it take Sirius so long to get there? He glanced towards the door, willing Sirius to appear. But, alas, no. That was not to be his fate. Instead in the doorway were two more girls, a Griffindor and a Ravenclaw. Great, just great. He couldn't cope with one, so lets throw some more at him. Somebody hated him. They hated him, and they were laughing at him right now. They were probably eating popcorn while they did it. Bastards. 

"Dink? What are you doing?" The Griffindor girl had spoken. Remus glanced down at Dinkerella, and it was at this point he became aware that the girl was holding his right wrist, manipulating his hand, then allowing it to relax. Remus immediately tensed his hand. 

"Relax your hand!" muttered Dinkerella frantically. 

"Hi, Remus." The Griffindor lifted her hand in greeting. Dinkerella was still intent on Remus' own hand, now sketching it frantically on her Arithmancy textbook. 

"Um… Hi." Remus looked at the girl properly now, recognizing her as Kara Kanapka. Sirius had talked to her a couple of times with James. She hung around with Lily occasionally. They had been pumping her for information… She wasn't all that helpful.

"Um, Kara?" The Ravenclaw prodded, coughing and nodding in the direction of the clock. It was lunchtime, and this particular Ravenclaw looked hopeful that she would get fed before her stomach declared civil war on itself. 

"No, no. No good." Dinkerella pushed Remus' hand away in disgust. 

"Right." 

Remus felt no better. He looked nervously around himself. Surrounded by girls. It was times like this he was glad James was always asked to do this kind of thing. 

"Oh Remus," Kara had noticed his uncomfortable look, "This is Niamh O'Donnell."

"Hi," Niamh smiled at Remus briefly, "Look Kara I think we should-"

"Remus, there you are!" Sirius, smiling his irresistible smile, stuck his head around the door, looking perfectly composed, and looked from Remus, to Kara, to Niamh, to Dinkerella. "Having a party are you?"

"Ah… um…" Remus wasn't sure whether he was happy to see his friend, or whether he wanted to kill him. It was now he became vaguely aware that a thin sheen of sweat had broken out on his forehead under the strain. "Bah!"

"Okay then. So Remus, you going to introduce me or what?"

"What."

Sirius looked slightly shocked by Remus'… shortness, but retained his composure. "Okay then." He turned to Kara. "How you doing, Kanapka?"

Kara rolled her eyes, "Sirius, this is Niamh O'Donnell and Dinkerella Pop."

Sirius smiled a particularly winning smile. Niamh giggled and started to twiddle her long, fair hair around her index finger in what she hoped was a coy manner. Sirius ignored her, instead looking right at Dinkerella. Showtime.

"Hey, were you-" he started.

"Um… excuse us Sirius, need to eat. Come on Dink. Bye Remus"

Dink, who had been watching Sirius with interest, stood up, and started to follow the retreating form of Kara, telling Remus on the way past to, "stay cool."

Remus watched the girls go, relief flooding his body. He looked across at Sirius, watching the girls go in disbelief, mouth-hanging open.

"What the hell did you do Moony?" 

Author Note: Okay… where now…? I hate writers block! Suggestions would be very much appreciated! Thank you!


	3. Beauty is only skin deep

Author Note: Dear Obsessed Freak, I know it is just perverse that my wonderful Padfoot and Moony are not raving homosexuals, but hey! This is fan fiction. It's open to anyone's interpretation. And how can you make that judgment yet? We're only three chapters in anyway, so who knows? Maybe Sirius power of seduction will turn that sexy young werewolf… who knows? 

Love Scaramouche Jay xxx

Thank you so much to my lovely Beta readers Mosephine and Zippedy! 

Disclaimer: I own no one you recognize from JKR's fantastic world, and that goes for the last chapter too! Anyone else though came from my own mind, whether for good or bad. Sorry. 

Beauty is only skin deep 

Poking his food about his plate with his fork, Sirius wondered what had gone wrong. He had come in. He had smiled. He made conversation. He joked. He smiled some more. They left. Why did they leave? Dinkerella didn't even acknowledge his presence. Most disturbing. He was still unsure why he cared whether she cared he was alive, because he shouldn't care if she cared. No. No, indeed he shouldn't. No indeed. Indeed. No.

"Are you alright Sirius?" James was looking at him, his head on one side. It was only now that Sirius noticed that the hall was starting to empty, everyone else having had finished their lunches. He sighed. Looking around at the faces of Remus, James and Peter staring at him worriedly.

"What's up Sirius?" James asked again.

Sirius sighed again in a forlorn and annoying manner.  Several girls had fits of desire and passed out. Sirius looked at his friends sadly.

"It's not this whole thing with Dinkerella is it?" Remus asked in annoyance. "I didn't do anything! I swear it was going fine…"

"Well, as fine as it can be when you go into tongue spasms at the sight of girls." Peter pointed out

"Yes, thank you Peter. I just don't know what happened… You came in and Kara went out…"

"Don't you mean Dink?" asked James.

"Yeah, what did I say?" 

"Kara," Peter told him.

"Well I meant Dink." Remus looked flustered. 

"James, do you find me attractive?" Sirius asked suddenly. It was a niggling doubt, and he needed to know.

"What?!" James was more than a little shocked at the abrupt change of subject.

"Do you find me attractive?"

"Uh… I think we'll leave you to it," Remus said, getting quickly out of his seat.

"Yeah… I think that… yeah." Peter swiftly followed.

"Uh guys! Hello? No! Come… back." James trailed off as Peter and Remus exited the hall. He grimaced and turned back to Sirius, who was forlornly pushing peas around his plate. "Ummm… well…" James searched for something to say. "Ummm… Do you find me attractive?" James finally asked awkwardly, pushing his glasses further up his nose. 

Sirius blinked at him.

"A-ha!" James said defiantly. There was a silence. "Ummm…  well do you?" James felt self conscious at the length of time it was taking for Sirius to consider this question. Wasn't he attractive? He mussed his hair self-consciously. Sirius cocked his head to one side, viewing James critically. He began smiling in a vacant sort of way and he giggled. 

James began shifting uneasily. He liked being examined closely even less than silence. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

Sirius suddenly stood up, attracting the attention of most of the remaining students. He slid across the table and stood in the seat next to James. He pushed James' fringe to one side and ruffled it, loosening James tie. He pulled his shirtsleeves down. James blinked as Sirius stood back to survey his work. He was twiddling his hair absently around his finger. He giggled.

"NOW I do."

James wasn't sure how the conversation had ended up here. He wasn't sure he liked it.

"Uh… Limpylegs..? Oi!  Snivellus! I wanna, uh, talk to- No no! I want to curse you! Come here!" And with that James legged it, leaving a slightly bamboozled Sirius standing in the middle of the Great Hall.

"Hey! James! You didn't answer my question! James! Come back!" 

*        *        *

Sirius sat in the library blowing on the end of his quill to make it dance and twirl. He was thinking, and that was an unusual occurrence. Not because Sirius was stupid or slow, just that he rarely chose to think. He was alone. He still hadn't convinced James that he didn't want to seduce him, and Remus and Peter had disappeared off the face of the Earth. Or they were avoiding him. 

He was still bothered about the incident in the Arithmancy classroom. He had reviewed his movements several times and he still couldn't work out what had gone wrong. 

Was he boring? Not suave? Did he wave too soon? What did he do? 

And then there was that fearful, niggling, nag at the back of his mind. No, it couldn't be true. He was Sirius Black! Yes he was! The one who made girls swoon, the one who made girls faint, the one who- oh what was the point? He was obviously the worst looking bloke in the history of the world. He made the likes of Ken Dodd look like the God of love and beauty. He sighed and looked down at his 'divination homework'. The parchment was blank and he was ugly. Why was life so cruel? He banged his head on the desk. 

Why, why, why?!

A giggle rang out behind him. He ignored it, staring at the shiny mahogany of the desk. It was the oblivion his life was heading into. The ugliness that was him was being reflected back at him in the desks sheen. The giggle rang out again, and Sirius turned to the source of it. A small group of girls were huddled just behind him in the transfiguration section. They giggled as he looked up at them and they tittered even more as he smiled at them. Sirius smiled some more. Sixth year, Hufflepuffs. The redhead was cute and the blonde was stunning. He leant back in his chair opening his mouth to say some witty and intelligent remark, before snapping his mouth shut again and turning back to his empty parchment. No Sirius! That habit had to go. Remember, you're ugly now. 

He heard a giggle at his left hand shoulder. The redhead was standing there, fluttering her lashes at him. Great, now she would mock and humiliate him. Sirius leant forward, preparing for the onslaught. 

"Hey." She giggled.  
Hey? Was that it?

"Hey yourself," Sirius tried uncertainly. She turned to her blonde friend and mimed a scream. Sirius scratched the back of his head. Odd, she hadn't run in repulsed shock. 

"Hi, I'm Mimi, and that over there is Elle." She pointed at her blonde friend who waved slightly. "You're Sirius right?"

"Yeah, that's right." Sirius pushed a pencil behind his ear and Mimi looked like she was fighting to maintain her composure. 

"It's just, I hear you're pretty good at divination, and I was wondering if you could tutor me or something?" Mimi asked ever so casually. 

"I wouldn't say I was good," Sirius thought back to his D. 

"Oh… well maybe we could… I mean…" Mimi was gabbling obviously trying to extend the conversation. 

"Look, I gotta go somewhere." Sirius said distractedly, wishing to be mocked no more about his failure at divination and as a man. 

"Oh… Okay… I… Bye then." Mimi looked like she wanted to cry.

"Yeah. Bye." Sirius stuffed his quill and parchment into his bag and stood up. He started across the library. 

"Wait!" Mimi squeaked, sharing a desperate look with her friend. 

Sirius stopped and turned back to her. She hurried over to him and started to talk really quickly before she lost her nerve. "Look I really like you, and I know a lot of girls do and everything, but really I though, you know maybe we could do something, sometime? Please?" she looked at her feet and a bemused smile started its way up Sirius' face.

"You like me?" he asked.

"Yeah… Is that bad? I shouldn't have said anything I-"

"You don't think I'm repulsive and make the Giant Squid look appealing?" Sirius cut her off.

She looked at him in the way you would look at a Siamese unicorn- with complete amazement. "No. I mean you're gorgeous!" she blushed as she realised what she had said.

"I'm gorgeous?" Sirius' smiled widened in wonderment.

"Well… yeah." Mimi looked at him a though he had gone mad.

Sirius debated this view. He was gorgeous. He looked across at the blonde. She giggled and waggled her fingers at him flirtily. That would mean he was attractive too… this really was a voyage of self-discovery.

"What about your friend?" Sirius asked subtly.

"She doesn't mind me making a play for you… Actually, she said she'd do it herself if I got turned down."

"So she doesn't think I'm hideous either?"

"Ummm… No…"

"So I'm not a ghastly, horrible looking creature?"

"No you're not." Mimi looked at him worriedly, "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm not ugly." Sirius said to himself excitedly. "Woo hoo!" He leapt into the air and punched out with his fist. He landed lightly on his feet and leant forward, kissing Mimi quickly on the mouth. "I'll owl you sometime." He smiled his heartbreaking smile and streaked out of the library, oblivious to the screams of joy emitting from the two girls there.

He wasn't ugly, and tonight he was going to show Dinkerella that. Yes he was. She didn't stand a chance… again… 

Author Note: Thank you so much to all my other lovely reviewers, I really appreciate it and I'm glad you like it… still doing my best to keep it going! I'm not entirely sure what is blue, or where the pop tarts are… I'll have to look into it. As for the Merovigian, well that's just there for my good friend Zippedy.


	4. A cunning plan

Disclaimer: I still don't own Remus… or anyone else for that matter!

Author note: Thank you to all my lovely reviewers! I really appreciate your words of encouragement. And who'd of thought? Sirius having a bad face day… well… half hour… Now on with the show!

A Cunning Plan

"Sirius, what are you doing?" Remus asked wearily, staring at his friend who was frantically pulling apart his trunk, flinging the contents around the room. 

"I have a cunning plan," was his reply, as Remus ducked to narrowly miss an old Frisbee socking him in the head. 

Remus sighed and sat on his bed. Sirius had been like this ever since he had come back to the tower from… the library. It wasn't Sirius' behavior, so much as where he had been that bothered Remus. He never, ever, _ever_ went into the library if he could help it. He said all the books unnerved him. He ran around a lot, laughing like a madman, and well… being Sirius really, but never if he had just had the horrors of the library inflicted upon him. 

"What are you doing now?" James and Peter were stood in the doorway looking at Sirius with bored expressions on their faces. They were more than used to this sort of behaviour.

"He has a 'cunning plan'." Remus rolled his eyes and lay down, staring at the canopy over his head. It was the full moon in less than a week, and he was dreading his transformation. 

"What does this cunning plan involve?" James sounded curious, but kept his distance, still a little unnerved after their lunchtime discussion. 

"Is he pranking Slytherins?" Peter asked, fairly unnerved by the distinct lack of practical jokes they had pulled (during the course of this story) so far. 

"Don't know," Remus told him, pushing himself back into an upright position and looking at Sirius once more. 

"A-ha!" Sirius crowed triumphantly. He held aloft an old, battered converse sneaker. It had a hole in the heel and the tongue was hanging off at a distinctly dodgy angle. The lace was knotted in several places to hold it together and it was only just possible to make out it was once red. It was now a suspicious brown colour. 

"What the hell do you want that for?" James wrinkled his nose at the sneaker in disgust.

"It's for Dinkerella," Sirius told him proudly. 

They blinked at him. 

"What?" Sirius asked defensively.

"Nothing mate, nothing…" James sat down on his bed and raised his eyebrows further at Sirius.

"What? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing." James started to read an old textbook that had ended up on his bed during Sirius' mad flailing of limbs. 

Remus rolled his eyes and lay back down again. Peter giggled nervously.

"What? For the love of… tell me!" 

"Um… Not that I know much about girls or anything but… do you really think she's going to be impressed if you give her an old shoe? I know you have a dog animagus, but Sirius…" Peter said, fed up of Sirius' incessant whining. 

"Oooh." Sirius said grinning. "I'm not giving it to her like this!"

"Well that's slightly better… what are you going t do with it?"

"Well," Sirius leapt up from where he sat cross-legged on the floor and sat down next to James on his bed, clutching the sneaker. "When I was in the library-"

"You were in the library?" Peter looked across at his friend in amazement.

"Yes, I was. Anyway. I was doing research on de-uglifying myself when I came across this." Sirius reached down to the floor and picked up his bag, pulling out of it a large, leather-bound book with fancy gold lettering on the front.

"Cinderella?" James read off the front, glancing up at Remus who just shrugged. 

"Yes." Sirius sat back proudly. "What do you think?"

"Um… I think I don't know what you're on about," James informed him. 

Sirius rolled his eyes and looked at him scathingly.

"Tell him Moony."

"Um… I gotta agree Sirius, what are you on about?"

Sirius looked from one to the other in amazement, finally resting his gaze on Peter. "Peter?" he asked, obviously amazed no one had the foggiest what he was on about. Peter shrugged.

"Bloody hell." Sirius looked at them. "Well I'll have to teach you."

He held up the book. "Cind-er-ella," he annunciated clearly. They looked blank. "Dink-er ella." 

"Oh," Peter said, "I get it. They sound similar." 

"Yes!" Sirius said triumphantly, "And that's why I'm giving her the shoe." 

"Okay, you've lost me again." Peter looked at Sirius worriedly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, basically, Cinderella is this wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah girl, who has to live with her stepmother and two ugly stepsisters after her father dies. She has to clean for them and… yeah. Anyway, there's this ball thingy at the palace of the Prince guy and she isn't allowed to go, but when these three evil gits go, her fairy godmother turns up and gives her these glass shoes and-"

"Sirius is there a point to this?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"I'm getting to it! And she goes to the palace in a pumpkin coach and dances with the Prince and they fall in love and-"

"I'm gonna go get a drink," James started to get off the bed.

"No wait! I'm nearly done! She has to get home by midnight or the spell will end and she'll just be Cinderella again, so she hotfoots it out of there, leaving only her glass shoe. The Prince wants to find her, so he sends out a proclamation and all girls in the kingdom must try the shoe on. He'll marry the one it fits. So they get to Cinders house, she tries the shoe on and Boom! They get married." Sirius sat back and looked about himself, obviously feeling pleased he was such a genius. 

"Where the hell did you find that in the library?" James sounded amazed.

"Muggle Studies section." Sirius said proudly, "It's a muggle story."

"They sure are weird." James said, rubbing his hair till it stood on end. 

"Don't you get it?" asked Sirius desperately.

"Um… do you think that if you give Dinkerella that dirty old shoe she's going to fall madly in love with you?" Remus asked in amazement.

"Yup! You get it Moony! Well done!" Sirius looked damned pleased with himself. 

"Okay then." Remus lay back on the bed. 

"Yup." Peter stood up, "I think I'll get a drink too, James you still going."

"Yeah." James stood up and patted Sirius shoulder. They walked out of the room and shut the door behind them. Sirius lent back on the headboard, a little disappointed that no one had got more excited about his cunning plan. 

"Padfoot?"

"Yup?" Sirius ears perked up.

"You're not giving her the shoe like that are you?"

"Why not?" 

"It's a little bit… battered?"

"Yeah, well… I had thought of transfiguring it into something a bit nicer."

"Why don't you?"

"Um… not sure really."

Remus groaned and rolled over.

"Moony?"

"Padfoot."

"Do you remember how to transfigure stuff into glass?"

Remus lifted his head off the bed, "Why?"

"'Cos I don't…"

Remus sighed and sat up as Sirius continued. 

"I think I might have been sending Samara Tompkins notes." Sirius said sheepishly. 

Remus snorted, flopping back onto the bed.

"Please Moony? You did mess it up in the classroom…"

"I didn't! I thought we decided you were just ugly!"

"Well I'm not. Mimi told me so in the library."

"Mimi?"

"Hufflepuff, red hair, kinda cute… I could put in a word for you…"

"No, I'm good."

"Re-mus!" Sirius whined

"Fine! Give it here." Remus sighed wearily. Sirius leapt off the bed, and sat down cross-legged on Remus' bed, placing the old shoe on his chest. He looked at Remus with his big grey eyes and licked his lips. Remus opened one eye lazily. "What? Right now?"

Sirius nodded eagerly as Remus opened his other eye. 

"Well get me my wand then."

Sirius leapt off the bed and started to rummage through Remus' bag, and Remus lethargically pushed himself into a sitting position, holding the shoe in his left hand. 

"Found it yet?"

"Yup?" Sirius returned to the bed and watched as Remus placed the shoe on the spread and pointed his wand at it. There was a pause.

"Padfoot?"

"Yes Moony, old buddy, old pal?" 

"Can you not stare quite so much? It's quite off putting." 

"Oh. Ok." Sirius turned his back to Remus and stared at the wall directly in front of him. "Better?"

"Yes… And Sirius?"

"Yup?"

"Can you not listen quite so much?"

"Oh, ok…" Sirius began to hum quietly to himself, picking at his fingernails and making it quite clear to Remus how daft he was being. Honestly, they were best friends and he wouldn't even let him watch as he turned a manky old shoe into a dazzling, beautiful, spectacular-

"Finished."

Sirius was surprised by how quickly the spell had been done. 

"Are you sure?"

"Just look at the Goddamn shoe Sirius."

Sirius turned around and was quite surprised by what he saw. A delicate glass shoe sat on the bed beside Remus, a sparkling crystal detail in the top of it. 

"Is it okay? I tweaked the spell a little and-"

"Moony that is the classiest bit of footwear I've ever seen."

Remus blushed a little and lay back down on the bed. "Thank you."

Sirius nodded and picked up the sparkling shoe. He stared at it. Just as well he had been passing notes to Samara Tompkins. 

The door swung open and Peter and James came back into the room. They looked at the shoe, then they looked at Sirius. 

"Where the hell did that come from? James asked eloquently. 

"It's the shoe I'm giving Dinkerella." Sirius replied. "You saw it earlier."

"What happened to that mangy old one?" Peter asked suspiciously.

Remus opened an eye. 

"Last time I looked I was a wizard, not that I can speak for the rest of you." 

"Oh." They looked sheepish.

"Prongs, old buddy, old pal…"

"What now?" James asked Sirius wearily. 

"Can I borrow the cloak?"

"What for?"

"To go see Dink."

"Well yeah, but how are you going to get into the Ravenclaw common room." James looked bemused.

"I'm not." Sirius carefully stowed the shoe in his pocket, rummaging for the cloak in the trunk at the foot of James' bed. He pulled it out and grabbed his broom. "Thanks James."

"Where are you going with that?" Peter looked at Sirius in wonderment.

"Out the window. Duh." Sirius climbed up onto the sill and pushed the window open. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Remus said, rolling over and showing no interest whatsoever.

"Sirius this has to be your most harebrained plan to get a girl to date you ever." James told him.

"I know." Sirius smiled happily

"Good luck." Peter said. 

"Cheers… leave the window open, but don't wait up!" Sirius launched himself into the night and disappeared.  

Author Note: So, how's old Padfoot going to do? Well, you'll just have to wait and see… I'll be updating soon!


	5. Just call me Prince Charming

Author note: Sorry it took so long to update this, my computer hates me. 

Disclaimer: JKR still hasn't surrendered Remus and co. to my 'capable' hands… (ahem)

Just Call Me Prince Charming 

Dinkerella turned the page of her book by the light of her wand. The curtains around her four-poster bed were closed and she currently pretending she had a headache and was asleep. In truth she'd just got bored of the conversation about which style of shoes they should get to go with their graduation robes. I mean sure, like any other girl she liked shoes… but how could you talk about them non stop for three hours?

Instead she was reading an old muggle story her mother had loved; well she thought her mother had loved it. She sighed and snapped the book shut, laying down on her side under the covers and closing her eyes. 

She could hear the girls giggling outside and tried to ignore it. She honestly did not know how any of them could get so worked up about shoes. It was worryingly quiet at the moment and Dinkerella paused, listening. An icy draft hit her, before a scream assaulted her ears, and she heard what sounded like the window slam. She could hear whispering, tapping and felt the icy chill hit her again. She pulled the blanket over her head and contemplated going to sleep.

It was warm and dark under there and she enjoyed the nothingness. It soothed her, easing her over active brain, a problem her fellow, apparently intelligent, Ravenclaws didn't appear to have. 

Then suddenly it wasn't so dark.

Sirius hovered outside the, now wide-open, Ravenclaw 7th year girl's dormitory. He shifted slightly as he waited. It had been a bloody trek trying to find it and he could no longer feel his bum. Why did the school have to have so many windows anyway? He'd hovered outside what seemed like thousands of the damned things. Wait… no that was probably an accurate estimation. Toilets, corridors, storerooms… Why did storerooms need windows anyway? He'd almost had a fit of joy when he'd found the 1st year Ravenclaw boys dorm, which, dodgy as it sounds, was a sign he was going in the right direction. He was beginning to think he'd got the Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws confused, but sure enough there it was. It was at the very top of the school above the Arithmancy classrooms. There was a portrait there that ran from floor to ceiling of Archibald the Audacious. He would swing back to reveal a deep blue-carpeted staircase, which led up to a huge common room ending in a dividing staircase, the left hand side leading to the boys dormitories and the right the girls.  The seventh years were in a turret at either end of this complex and beautiful common room, and after much trial and error, Sirius had finally hit the jackpot. 

Of course, after this spectacular and lets not forget magnificent find, Sirius had had the problem of getting in. He hadn't been able to see Dinkerella anyway, which disappointed him at first, but on spotting Niamh had decided it was worth a shot. She might be cleaning her teeth. He had tapped on the window several times before receiving a response. Anastasia, a very pretty Ravenclaw Remus had had a thing for in 5th year had come to see what it was making the noise. She had opened the window and leaned out, her ebony plaited hair falling over her shoulder as she leant out the window to peer down at the dizzyingly far below grounds. She pulled her head up looking more than a little spooked. She looked straight through Sirius as though he wasn't there. She pulled her head back in and backed away from the window a little. 

Sirius hadn't understood it. Couldn't she see him? Ah… Invisibility cloak. He had pulled it off, popping into full view in front of her... 

"Annie!" he sang out.

"ARRRRRGH!" The window slammed in his face, and a slightly startled Sirius dropped the invisibility cloak. 

"Damnit!" he swooped after it, causing more frightened cries. After he had resurfaced, clutching the retrieved cloak by the hem and peered in at them for sometime, he decided action had needed to be taken. He had tapped on the window again. 

Slowly Annie had stepped forwards and pulled open the window for the second time. 

"Sirius you fool! What the hell are you doing?" she had hissed frantically looking about as though she expected Professor Flitwick to come flying past at any moment. 

"I came to give Dinkerella something," had been his obvious reply. 

"Dink?" Annie had barely hidden her surprise.

"Yeah… Is she there?" 

"Of course… I mean yeah she's here… I'll go get her." And Annie had turned away from the window to go get Dinkerella. And that's where she was now. And Sirius still couldn't feel his bum. 

"Dink!" 

Dinkerella blinked at the annoying light that now was where her nice woolen blanket had once been. Annie's face caused an eclipse, and Dink rolled over to retrieve her glasses. 

"Annie? What are you doing?" Dink pretended to yawn rather convincingly.

"Uh… I think you better get up. You've got a visitor." Annie told her, glancing back over her shoulder.

"A visitor?" Dink sat up by reaching for her toes and blinked at Annie.

"Yeah… a male visitor."

"A male visitor?" Dink looked as confused as Annie felt. 

"Yeah, he's out the window... come on." Anastasia walked over to the window with Dinkerella behind her. 

Sirius shifted on his broom. The Ravenclaw girls were standing staring at him and giggling. 

"Hey, how are you?" He tried to make conversation.

They tittered. 

He was finding it very difficult to make conversation with them. It was most disconcerting.

"Hey Niamh," he tried again, this time risking a slight wave, "How was your lunch?"

Niamh went beetroot red and smirked at the girls around her.

"It was great, yourself?" she smiled at him, sidling over to the window. 

"Uh... yeah… great." Sirius hovered slightly further away from the window. 

He craned his neck past the scary form of Niamh, and to his relief he saw Anastasia coming back over. He grinned at her hopefully. 

"Well..?" 

Anastasia rolled her eyes and gestured to Dink who had just come out from behind her.

"Thanks Doll." Sirius winked, and Annie rolled her eyes.

Dinkerella walked over to the window and peered at the hovering form of Sirius. He grinned. "Hey Dinkerella." 

"Hello… Sirius?" she didn't sound entirely sure that was his name, but Sirius was oblivious. 

"Yeah that's the one... Look, can I come in?" 

"Uh…" Dinkerella looked around the room as the girls backed off from the window, giving Sirius room to come in. "Uh… Why?"

"Why?" This is was not a question Sirius had anticipated. "Well because I have something to show you."

"Woah. Okay, on your bike mister." Dink shut the window and began the return to her bed. 

"Dinkerella! No not that! No! Really no! …Well not on a first date… I mean no! No! Hello? Dink!? Dink?" Sirius muffled shouts could be heard punctuated by tapping on the glass.

"Dink," Annie sighed, "Let the poor boy in."

"But-"

"He didn't mean that. He's all right. I knew him quite well back in 5th year; his mate had a 'thing' for me apparently, not that I knew that at the time… shame really. Remus. Sweet guy. You have Arithmancy with him I think and-" 

Dinkerella hurried back over to the window, if only to stop the Remus talk. 

"Yes I do." She told Anastasia. "He has good hands, but not good enough." 

"What?"

"Nevermind."

She reached for the catch and Sirius tumbled into the room. He straightened himself out and stood up, the cloak in a heap at his feet and his broom way across the room by the door. He smiled sheepishly.

Dinkerella leant on the wall and looked at him curiously. 

"So why exactly are you here?" She asked him. She wanted to go to bed and was oblivious to the incredulous stares of her horny roommates. 

"Um… well…" Sirius fumbled in his pocket, caught off guard by her bluntness. He pulled out the slipper and held it out to her. She stared. 

"Well?" He held it out to her and wetted his lips nervously. She didn't say anything.

The silence was really very awkward and Sirius felt he should explain himself.

"You see, I found this muggle story, and the girl was Cinderella which is like Dinkerella, and I thought 'Oooh! Connections!', so I read it and the dude in the story gives this cinders girl a glass shoe and-"

"It's a shoe!"

"Yes… it is… I made it… well not technically me, but Remus and-"

"Remus made it?" Anastasias interest was sparked. 

"Yes, but that's not the point and-"

"It's a shoe." Dinkerella sounded amazed and slightly dazed. 

"Yes it is…" Sirius was getting more and more nervous. Yes Sirius, the lion hearted girl wooer was nervous. 

Dink took the shoe out of his hand and examined it. 

"Remus transfigured this?"

"Yeah…" Sirius began to wish he'd listened in transfiguration more. 

Dink nodded and looked at the shoe intently. She hesitantly put it on the floor and slipped her foot into it. It magically resized to fit her foot. She stared. Sirius stared too; he hadn't asked Remus to do that. 

"Woah." The other girls looked impressed.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?" he looked up eagerly. She was talking to him, she actually spoke to him!

"Mozzarella."

"What?"

"Dinkerella as in Mozzarella, not Cinderella."

"Oh… I-"

"A-ha!" 

"AAAARGH!"

Several male Ravenclaws tumbled into the room, landing in a large and undignified heap in the middle of the floor, only to have their hearing put to it's limits by a high pitched and prolonged scream from the girls. 

"Bloody ouch!" The rather disgruntled, russet-haired Quidditch team captain heaved himself to his feet and rubbed his ears. "You trying to deafen me?"

"What the hell are you doing in here? How the hell did you get past the charms?" Anastasia asked irritated. "Get out!" 

"Oi! We're here to help. We heard a scream and-"

"That was about ten minutes ago."

"Well you said yourself there are charms on the place."

"Okay… Go now. We're fine." Annie pushed him towards the door.

"No, no you're not!" He marched up to Sirius and drew himself up to his full height. He came up to Sirius nose where he sat on the windowsill. 

"What do you think you're doing in here?" He asked gruffly, trying to be intimidating. 

"Uh… I-" 

"No! I don't want to hear it! It's not good enough! Get out and stop bothering our women folk?"

"Women folk?" Sirius was confused.

"Yes, women folk!"

"Oi! We are not your 'women folk'!" A previously stunned and silent dorm mate of Dinkerella and Anastasia spoke up.

"Shh Izzy. I'm helping you here."

"Look, Tobey Harris isn't it?" Sirius started.

"Yeah that's me."

"Look, I didn't mean to bother or upset anyone and-"

"Shh!" Tobey held up his hand. "I understand that you are intoxicated by one of our lovely girls, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to have Oscar here chuck you out."

"Oscar?" Sirius looked slightly bemused by this. 

"Yeah Oscar." Tobey gestured to a short and stocky blonde guy standing behind him, who was completely oblivious to this task, chatting up Niamh and grinning stupidly. "Oscar?" Tobey turned around. "Oscar!?" 

Oscar looked up and focused on Tobey's flushed face. 

"Yeah?"

"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?"

"Yeah, yeah… Nah not really." 

"Bloody hell. Look you've got to through Sirius here out." He pointed at Sirius and then at the door.

"Why?"

"He's worrying the women!"

"Oi!" Izzy chimed in, joined by the other two apparently intelligent individuals she roomed with.

"Can't someone else do it?" Oscar continued. 

"No, no-"

"Thank you Tobey, we'll be fine now." Anastasia, this time successfully propelled Tobey to the door, the other motley and rather useless members of his 'crew' following. "Oscar!" Tearing his eyes of Niamh, Oscar hurried after them. 

"Now listen here Annie…"

"Good night Tobey!" She shut he door on him. 

"Sirius, you better go before they work out that they failed." She sighed and shook her head. She shoved him at the window and Izzy tossed him his broom. Dinkerella was still silently staring at her shoe. 

"Oh okay, I-" He looked at Dinkerella despondently. She was sitting on Annie's bed, one shoe on and was reading her transfiguration textbook. 

Annie shoved him out the window. 

"Bye Sirius, say hi to Remmie for me." 

"Remmie? Who? Oh… Okay. Well bye then Din-"

She shut the window. 

Author Note: I really won't take so long to update this time… Really I won't… 

I'd also just like to thank all my lovely reviewers, thank you so much for taking the time to show your support, it really means a lot to me… and also makes me do little pirouettes around the room, but I think we should keep that to our selves… 


	6. The morning after the night before

Disclaimer: No, still don't own them. 

Author Note: I'd like to apologies for a bloody stupid spelling mistake and inform all readers that I can, in fact, use both throw and through in the correct places. Major brain fart on my part there. Sorry, I know no one cared, but I thought it might be a useful fact…

The Morning After The Night Before 

Sirius slunk down further into his seat, and James grinned, patting him on the shoulder, as yet another group of girls went giggling past him. It seemed that the entire school knew about his little visit to the girls' dormitories, and it was only 8 o'clock. 

He'd woken that morning, stepped out of his dorm room and had been met with the entire female population of the Griffindor tower staring, giggling and pointing. Seeing his mystified (yet not too unhappy) face, Kara and Lily had taken pity upon his unawareness, and had come over to put him out of his misery. 

"Sirius," Kara began delicately, hiding a grin behind her fingers.

"Uh huh?" He was watching a pretty blue-eyed Griffindor from where she sat giggling with her friends on a windowsill, glancing at him curiously. 

"You really have no idea what's going on do you?" Kara continued while Lily chuckled helplessly.

"Nope," Sirius watched as a beautiful fifth year walked by, her tiny braids dancing.

"Sirius, we know." Lily choked out. 

"Know what?"

"We know what you did last night."

"Isn't that a muggle movie?"

"No Sirius it isn't. Please try to focus and listen carefully. We know you flew round to the Ravenclaw dorm last night."

"Oh right…" He slowly absorbed what they had just said; grinning in a way only Sirius can grin, as their words slowly penetrated the happy clouds around his brain.

Sirius stopped looking at the girls around him.

"What!?"

"We know about the whole shoe thing. Niamh owled Kara and Kara told me." Lily finished.

Sirius silently goldfished at Kara.

"What? I didn't tell anyone else Sirius I swear on… on…" She looked about desperately. "On… on… Remus' life!" She blushed slightly fuchsia as she realized what she had just said. But Sirius didn't seem to notice. 

Instead, he spun around and saw Remus stumbling sleepily down the stairs. He looked grey and wan, and was being watched nervously by James and Peter, shrugging off their attempts to help him. 

"I don't think that's a good example Kara, Remus looks like he isn't going to last much longer," joked Lily, an undercurrent of concern in her words. 

"Oh shh." 

The mood changed as Lily glanced at James and rolled her eyes. "Listen, I'm just going to go… away. See you." She scarpered leaving Sirius and Kara in the middle of the common room.  

"I promise you Sirius I didn't! Niamh just has a lot of friends… and a very big mouth…"

After being shoved out of the Ravenclaw girls' dorms he had flown back to the Griffindor tower feeling crestfallen, this was the last thing Sirius needed. He hadn't expected that response from Dinkerella at all, although upon explaining the evening's events to a half-asleep Remus and a snoring Peter, a very grumpy James had asked him what he had expected her to do. Fall into his open arms? It wasn't exactly a normal occurrence, having gormless gits turn up in your dorm room with glass footwear and an invisibility cloak. 

After having sat up half the night contemplating James' point, Sirius had decided that he probably had been a little… over the top? He hadn't even simply asked her out, just gone to the grand gesture. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to ask her out. It was very confusing and Sirius was not used to it in the slightest. He could not remember when he had last put this much effort into asking a girl out… in fact he couldn't remember the last time he had _wanted_ to put that much effort into asking a girl out… if he was in fact asking her out… He shook his head. It just didn't sound right. 

He popped his head above the edge of the table and looked into the sleepy, drawn face of Remus. Remus grinned at him and pushed his hair back off his face, a clear sign that he had something on his mind. It was mere days until his transformation and Sirius could see the effects showing on his friends face already. Sirius suddenly felt awful. He was worrying about a few girls giggling and waving flirtily at him, giving him the eye, but Remus was faced with the most painful thing in this world, have his bones and muscles contort and snap inside him as the glistening light of the full moon gently caressed his mutating skin. 

Sirius was broken out of his guilt-ridden reverie by a warm rectangular something that hit him in the head. It bounced off and landed in his baked beans. He looked up in the direction of the thrower and saw Remus waving his hand across Sirius eyes. 

"Hello Sirius? Anyone there?" He grinned lethargically and leant on his hand. 

"What?" Sirius was surprised, and stared at Remus in surprise. There he was worrying about his good mate Moony, and his good mate Moony was assaulting him with warm square things.

"Are you alright? Still brooding about last night?"

"What…? Oh… Yeah I guess." Sirius lied badly and hunched over at the sound of yet more giggles form the Hufflepuff table. Remus shared a look with James before turning back to Peter's astronomy essay he was going over, and Peter himself slurped on some orange juice, blissfully unaware of anything. "So, what is this thing anyway?" Sirius suspiciously picked the toasted thing out of his beans and examined it. 

"It's a Pop Tart." James told him, biting into a generously buttered slice of white toast. "Eat it, it's good."

"A what?!" The irony of this name was not lost on Sirius, nor it seemed the sixth year boys sitting a little way up from him. He scowled at them and hunched down again. 

Lily and a group of her friends walked past and smiled at the stooped Sirius, staring at a soggy Pop Tart. 

James eyes lit up and he turned away from his scowling friend. 

"Oi! Evans! Decided to give in and admit your mad passionate love for me yet?" He mussed his hair cockily and tipped his glasses to a jauntier angle.

"Have you decided to give up and admit that you're a pretentious git?" She called back nonchalantly over her shoulder, continuing down the hall and out of the double doors. Most of the remaining heads in the hall stopped their previous discussions about Sirius and turned to stare at James, who was left looking like rather a pillock, having eagerly leapt half way out of his chair. He glanced about himself and sat back down again, fiddling with his glasses.

"It's just a matter of time, she's wavering you can tell."

"Yeah, of course she is mate, of course she is." Peter nodded absently out of habit. "You going to eat that Sirius?" He gestured to the Pop Tart. 

"Nah, you have it Pete," Sirius tossed it across the table, where upon landing Peter began nibbling at it hungrily. At least Peter was having a good day. 

*        *        *

Dinkerella sat with a large, heavy book propped against the milk jug in her usual spot in the middle of the Ravenclaw table, facing the Slytherin table. She turned the page and absently took a bite of her buttered wholemeal toast. She was totally oblivious to the apparent controversy going on around her and barely even looked up to respond to Niamh's comment regarding the night before, vaguely grunting and nodding in her general direction. It was only at a sharp elbow in the ribs from Annie that she looked up at all, pushing her glasses up her nose and tucking her hair behind her ears. 

"Did you hear a word that Niamh said?" Annie asked worriedly as she watched the blonde scurry cross to the Hufflepuff table, sliding in next to Amelia Lichen and starting to talk animatedly. 

"Yes, of course." Dink shrugged and turned back to her book.

"What then?" Annie challenged, staring challengingly at the top of Dinkerella's head. 

"Uh…" Dink appeared to think for a moment, and then went for the obvious answer. "Something about last night."

"Yes, but what?"

"Uh… if I thought I was going to get a matching shoe?"

Annie rolled her eyes and shook her head. 

"What are you reading anyway?"

Dinkerella finally looked interested in the topic of conversation. 

"It's a book on Arithmancy, it's absolutely fascinating, all the really ancient theory behind it, and how it can be used in the modern da-"

"Okay, I'm sorry I asked now. I can feel the will to live seeping out of me."

"But you've never even done one lesson in it! Then you'd see, it's a fascinating subject!" 

"Hey Dink!" Kara came and slid herself in next to Dinkerella. "What you guys talking about?"

"Whether or not Arithmancy is 'fascinating'," Annie rolled her eyes and stretched her arms above her head. 

"It is!" Dink insisted.

"Sure it is Dink, I believe you," Kara said and she meant it sincerely.

"Yeah okay. Whatever." Annie glanced over at the Griffindor table, from where Kara had appeared. "What's it like over there?" 

"Where? The table?" Kara glanced over her shoulder at the Griffindor table, and more specifically the little group of boys in the center of that table, laughing and pointing at James Potter who had just made a particularly large fool out of himself. Remus was smiling sedately and reading over an essay… probably not his own, but he was reading it nonetheless. "The usual, just the jibes have a new topic and Sirius is receiving them rather than dishing out." Kara grinned and turned back to Dink and Annie. Annie glanced over at the table herself. She watched as the four boys stood up and started to shuffle out of the hall, Sirius trying to hide behind James, Remus smiling in tired amusement, and Peter still trying to fit as much food into his face as humanly possible.

"Remus doesn't look so hot today does he?" she said, thinking out loud and causing both Dinkerella and Kara to turn towards his retreating back. 

"No, I don't know what's wrong. We've never really spoken." Kara said glumly, turning back to Dinkerella as he disappeared out of the hall. 

"Oh…" Anastasia looked thoughtful. "Dink he's in your Arithmancy class isn't he?"

"Yup." Dink nodded, but was already reading again. 

"Well, I think with the help of your dear friend Remus I'm going to discover the wonders of Divination." Annie stood up, a wicked grin on her face. 

"What?" Dink looked up curiously, but Kara said nothing. 

"Well, he had 'thing' for me in fifth year apparently," Annie waved her hand as the other two collected their bags and started to follow her out of the hall. 

"Yeah, but that was fifth year…" Kara muttered. Anastasia didn't hear her. Or ignored her. 

"Well I didn't know at the time, but now I'm thinking the Arithmancy tuition might be a laugh…" Anastasia trailed off raising an eyebrow suggestively before collapsing into helpless giggles. 

Kara scowled.

"What's up with you? You know what I'm like," Annie said, picking up on the bum vibes Kara was giving out. "All mouth, no trousers… that's his job!" She poked Kara to show she was joking. "What?"

Dinkerella had snapped her book shut now and looked pensive. She was doing a damned good job of ignoring all the funny stares she was getting… but then again she was Dinkerella. 

"But you just said he didn't look so hot," She finally said, looking confused. 

"Yeah, well, he doesn't. He looks like he's coming down with something." Annie answered quite defensively. 

"I wonder what's wrong…" Kara worried aloud.

Annie looked at her in surprise. 

"I'm sure he's fine."

"Yeah… yeah… I bet it's nothing…"

*        *        *

Remus leant on his hand in his charms class. He wanted to die. He felt like the famous 'death warmed up', but only if that particular death had involved being stampeded by a herd of wild hippogriffs, surviving, then, just when you thought the coast was clear, when the coast was clear, having a blastended screwt blow your fingers off and being chucked off a cliff into a pack of ravenous hinkypunks, which slowly sucked you death through straws. 

Remus tried to focus on the board again without much success, his eyes lids heavy. He felt his head loll forward onto his chest and he snapped it up abruptly, immediately regretting this response as his neck creaked angrily. He rubbed it with his right hand, while hastily scrawling across his parchment, peering over the shoulder of the nearest student and squinted at the writing. He needed his glasses.

He felt a soft thud against the back of his head, and stiffly turned around to look into the worried and bespectacled face of James Potter, whose nose was scrunched up in concern. He gestured the paper on the floor by Remus chair, and Remus bent down awkwardly to pick it up and then deposited it in his lap, unscrewing it from the loving crumple that James had created. He squinted at James' narrow handwriting:

M_oony, what's up? Is it the moon? Are you okay? Prongs Where are your glasses young man!? __J_

****

Remus carefully read, and then re-read the note. He picked up his quill and hastily scrawled his answer along the bottom of James' note. 

****

_Prongs, I'm just great. Never better. The moon will be up tonight and I'm dreading it, but… well, nevermind. Thanks for asking. Sirius borrowed my glasses this morning… said they make him look intelligent?__Isn't he wearing them? Moony_

He tossed it back to James and sat staring at the board. It wasn't long before he felt the gentle thud on the back of his neck again. He leant down and clasped at the note with his fingers, but succeeded only in making it skitter across the floor to the feet of the student across the aisle. Remus swore quietly under his breath and sat up again, shrugging at James and rubbing his neck some more. 

"Remus!" he heard a urgent whisper and turned to it's source. He saw a very pretty Ravenclaw with her arm outstretched, James' note clutched between her fingers and her dark hair falling in her eyes. His eyes widened slightly as he looked at her, she looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place her. Snapping back to reality he grinned nervously and licked his lips, reaching out and taking the note out of her tapered fingers. He turned back to his work and bowed his head. He could hear James trying to swallow laughter behind him. 

_I couldn't say, he's sitting in front of you two places! Trying to be studious or something, keeping his head down. You can copy my notes later if you like… not that you can read them without your glasses… Prongs_

Remus craned his aching neck slightly and peered at the dark head a couple of places in front of him. They appeared to be staring intently at the board, but on further inspection, Remus could see they were staring at the clock. Figures. Glasses or none, Sirius could never be serious for long. 

*        *        *

Sirius stared at the clock, at the second hand slowly and laboriously working its way around the face. He didn't really know why he was staring at the clock, he couldn't actually see it. Borrowing Remus' glasses had seemed like such a good idea, to make him look intellectual. He hadn't taken into consideration that he didn't actually need glasses, so he couldn't see anything through them. 

He lowered the glasses slightly and peered over them briefly, at the clock and then at the board. There was considerable more scrawl on the board than had been there before. He'd have to copy Moony's notes later. 

He chanced a sideways glance at the petite girl sitting in the corner; her own glasses halfway down her nose. She was reading a book. She was reading a book and the Professor didn't care. Where was the justice in the world? He'd chuck the odd note at James and end up in detention! Oh the inhumanity of it all! It was odd, he thought, that he had never noticed that he shared his charms class with Dinkerella. Perplexing, odd and rather slapdash of himself. He turned back to the board and picked up his quill, deciding he should make a feeble effort at taking some of the notes down. 

The charmed board rubber leapt off the desk where it lay and enthusiastically and rather energetically started to rub the board clean. Sirius sighed and started to copy down the new words the charmed chalk was already scrawling in the place of the previous notes. He glanced down the aisle furtively, trying to steal another glance at Dinkerella, but instead found his eyes drawn to the girl sitting just behind her. Kara Kanapka sat staring, not at the board like everyone else, but over her shoulder at something or someone. She looked pensive and preoccupied; chewing her lip in the worried way you would expect her to. Sirius his curiosity sparked, and also being desperate for something to take his mind of the note, Dinkerella and the stupid glasses perched on his nose, turned to follow her line of vision.

"Mr. Black!" he heard the teacher snap, and Sirius spun his head back around to face the front. He couldn't do anything right. After a few moment, he returned his attention to what was so captivating Kara. He searched about and focused foggily over the top of the glasses on… noting. All she was looking at was a squinting Remus and pouting Anastasia Reuben. Most odd. Why would she want to stare at Remus? 

Sirius curious wonderings were then interrupted, by his name being mentioned. His head swiveled towards the door to stare at the voices source. A small, quivering Hufflepuff first year stood there, her mousy brown curls hiding her round face. 

"Professor Dumbledore would like to talk to… to talk to…" Sirius watched as she struggled to remember the message. "To talk to Sirius Black in his office." 

"Very well, go on Black." Professor Enchantment nodded his assent for Sirius to leave the room, who, furrowing his brow slightly, shoved back his chair and made his way to the back of the class room. He glanced at Dinkerella, but she was still reading her book, casually turning the page. What the heck did he have to do to get that girls attention, tightrope walk naked across the Quidditch pitch mid game? He brushed passed Remus desk and got an inquisitive raised eyebrow. He shrugged back. James just grinned as he went passed. 

"I think your night time antics have caused a bit of a stir Sirius," he whispered. 

Realisation crossed Sirius face. He should have known, it wasn't exactly allowed, flying around to the girls dorms, especially of other houses and giving them footwear. In the middle of the night. Even with a headmaster as laid back as Dumbledore, he was going to get a right lecture for this He got to the door, and the small quaking Hufflepuff scurried out ahead of him. It was time to face the music. 

Author Note: A big thank you and hug to all of my wonderful reviewers, I would not still be writing this story if it wasn't for your kind words and encouragement. Without you guys I also would not know that I am in fact stealing from Sponge Bob and the Da Vinci Code… I must read and watch TV more… 

I'd also like to offer further apologies to Obsessed Freak, as I don't think Remus and Sirius are going to turn gay any time soon… sorry. 


	7. I didn't think he had it in him

Author's note: … What can I say really? I am a loser. I should update more often and …err… not update less? I'm sorry and I will try to update more regularly but my blasted school exams are taking over my life right now. I am, once again, sorry. kicks self

Disclaimer: Still not mine

**I didn't think he had it in him **

As Sirius' back disappeared out of the classroom and the door clicked shut, the classroom erupted into a commotion of voices and craning necks, but there was a strange absence of any questions. Everyone of course knew why Sirius was going to see the headmaster; the only even slightly worthwhile question there really remained was what was going to happen to him, and everyone seemed quite certain what that punishment would be.

"He's so out of here," said a slightly smug looking Ravenclaw that Remus recognized as Tobey Harris, captain of the Quidditch team.

"Oh shut up," Remus heard James tell him, "Sirius has done far worse than this and he's still here."

"Yes, but this'll be the final straw, the icing on the cake. He's not going to recover from this, add up all his previous offences, and the only answer you can really get is expulsion. He's dead." Tobey folded his arms across his chest to indicate an end to the matter.

Remus glanced over his shoulder and saw James shaking his head, clearly pitying poor Tobey's lack of knowledge on this matter.

Remus sighed. He wished he could be as certain as James about Sirius getting off, his attendance at Hogwarts remaining intact.

"SILENCE!"

The roomful of chattering students turned back to Professor Enchantment, who had become slightly red in the face from the effort he had had to put into regaining control of the room. They fell silent, only one or two giggling at their teachers resemblance to a tomato. "Thank you. Continue with your work. Mister Black's disappearance is not of any note as far as you are concerned. It will not effect whether or not you pass your exams at the end of this year, but whether or not you understand how to carry out a basic combustion spell will!"

The class stared at him in mock humility. "Well carry on with the notes then!"

There was an immediate hubbub as hands scrabbled for quills, shifted sheets of parchment and caused general commotion. Professor Enchantment looked quite pleased at the level of control he appeared to have over his class, and checking that the board was still being covered in a never-ending stream of notes, sat back down at his desk, quickly reabsorbing himself in the Daily Prophet crossword.

* * *

Kara watched quietly from her desk behind Dinkerella, who seemed completely unfazed by the fact that Sirius had left the room, despite the fact that she may be partially to blame for his summons to the headmaster. After all, it was her he had been visiting. But to Dinkerella, all this merited was a brief, uninterested glance at the door and no other form of recognition, not even a shrug. Kara sighed and continued to stare despondently at Remus and Annie, the latter of which was now quite shamelessly trying to attract his attention. Kara was pleased to note, however, that she was also failing quite miserably. Remus continued to copy notes his brow slightly furrowed and his eyes squinting at the paper as he tried to see what he was writing. He was worrying, Kara could tell, and it was obviously about Sirius. She sighed and turned around in her chair, a drop of blood on her lip where she had been chewing it for the majority of the lesson. She supposed she should make an effort to copy down some of the notes that Professor Enchantment held in such esteem.

* * *

Sirius followed his tiny Hufflepuff guide in silence staring about himself as though he had never seen the inside of the Hogwarts castle before. He grinned at the first year whenever she chanced a glance at him, but the fear in her eyes did not seem to diminish to match her height. She stopped by the gargoyle that stood at the entrance to Dumbledore's office and twitched nervously, glancing at Sirius' face very quickly.

"He told me tell you to wait here, he'll come down when he's ready to see you." She scuttled off very quickly after saying this.

"Thank you!" Sirius called out. She had already gone. Sirius let out a breath and leant back against the wall beside the gargoyle. He pushed his hair back out of his eyes and slid down to the floor, staring at the wall directly in front of him. He was very familiar with this patch of wall, having stared at it a great many times during his school career at Hogwarts. The mortar holding the bricks together knew his face intimately and Sirius almost felt obliged to greet it.

He didn't. He wasn't that crazy just yet.

Sirius was broken from this bizarre train of thought by the gargoyle leaping aside. He rose to his feet slowly, assuming that Professor Dumbledore had come for him, having finished whatever business it was he was dealing with currently.

He was mistaken.

A tall, striking redheaded witch came down the stairs, leaning rather heavily on the arm of an attractive blonde wizard, an expression of disbelief on his face.

"I don't believe it, I just don't believe it… How can it be possible…?" The witch sobbed again and again, the wizard shushing her soothingly.

"How could she have been so stupid?" she broke into a full-blown wail.

"Shh, my dear, shh. At least he was pure blood. Imagine if it had been a," he shuddered, "a mud blood! At least we aren't total failures as parents, though I cannot imagine what she was thinking when she chose that specimen…"

"I'm going to have ugly grandchildren!" the witch wailed sorrowfully, "What have I done to deserve this? What have I done?"

"We should have sent her to Durmstrang. I knew it. Didn't I say so dear?" the wizard said distractedly. He shook his head in disgust, "We've spoilt that girl. Spoilt her." He stopped dead. "Where is she anyway? Skulking with _that_ pathetic excuse of a headmaster. What kind of headmaster allows this to happen? What kind of…" He looked like his head was about to explode. "Mosephine Eugenia Hyacinth Monroe! Get down here immediately!"

Sirius watched in complete bemusement as another tall redheaded witch fell down the stairs. She was considerably younger than the first witch and also slightly plumper around the mid-drift. She was casting longing looks over her shoulder and nearly fell over Sirius. He recognized the name now he had the face in front of him. She was in the same year as him but in Slytherin, so, obviously, not one of his favourite people. He could tell that she had been crying.

"Come here you stupid, stupid girl! You're going to have to go and live with your aunt." The wizard barked gruffly, grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her along after him. "What did he say to you Mosephine? That claptrap he was on about upstairs? Well he won't look after you and he doesn't love you, how could you believe that?"

Sirius listened as the wizards shouting died away down the corridor. He blinked. James, Remus and Peter were not going to believe this.

A sound to his left brought his attention back from the family disappearing down the corridor. A tall foreboding man had just swept down Dumbledore's staircase. He had a large hooked nose and a black beard to match his black soulless eyes. His hair was lank and greasy and a petite, kindly faced witch walked along beside him, clutching his arm, worry written on her face like the pages of the book. Sirius could tell that she had once been beautiful, but years of worry and agony had practically erased it from her face. She too was staring over her shoulder, just as Mosephine had. The man did not glance at her once, sweeping down the corridor and looking through Sirius as though he was not there. Sirius felt his jaw drop open. This man was the spitting image of- Snape! The lanky, awkward enemy of Sirius slunk down the stair. He looked at the couple sweeping down the corridor, smiling tightly at the witch, then craning to look beyond her, apparently looking for something or someone. He gave up, slinking down the corridor in the direction of the Slytherin common room.

Sirius gawked. Had that been a dream? Had he got his facts straight?

He shook his head. No, that had to be nonsense. Snape couldn't have possibly… could he? It was hard enough to believe that Snape actually had parents. He was the sort of person you imagined to have sprung from the ground fully formed, in all his greasy glory.

But apparently he did. Seeing was believing, and all Sirius knew was that Snape's father looked about as much fun as Sirius' own father, though his mother looked considerably nicer, not that appeared to have got her very far. He could feel empathy for Snape rising in his gut in spite of himself. And a newfound respect. He was impressed. It sounded like he had actually stood up for himself… though it still totally escaped Sirius how Snape had got a girl in the first place.

"Ah, Mister Black."

Sirius was gently jerked back to reality by the soft, authoritative voice of Dumbledore.

"I see Miss Turner found you. Follow me."

Sirius stood, rubbing his hands through his hair and shaking his head slightly to remove the repulsive thoughts about the size of Snape's manhood, which was really a thought enough to turn the stomach of even the strongest individual. He joined Dumbledore on the winding escalator that took him up into the round and eclectic room that was the Headmasters office.

Dumbledore took his seat behind the desk and smiled at Sirius, who took his usual red velvet seat in front of the desk. He folded his legs comfortably and relaxed back into the chair, which was like a second home to Sirius. He had probably sat in it more than any other student during his time at Hogwarts.

"So Mister Black, what is it that you would like to tell me about this time?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he lent his whiskered chin on his hands, which he laced together. The misadventures of Sirius Black where getting to be a bit of a soap opera for the old wizard.

Sirius expelled a breath of air and began, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Well Professor…" He stopped. For some reason he felt awkward telling his Headmaster what he had done last night. Of course, he had told him of multiple capers he had participated in to woo ladies, but normally, well, they had worked, which made this situation unchartered territory and more than a little embarrassing.

"Mister Black?" Dumbledore's eyes shone as he verbally prodded Sirius.

"Err… Well see, the thing is…" Sirius stopped again, feeling a little like the first year that had been sent up to the headmaster for 'accidentally' pouring invisibility potion on Snape's robes.

Sometimes Sirius wished Dumbledore spoke more, shouted even. It was incredibly unnerving to have someone looking into your very soul without saying a word.

"Right well, yesterday night, I kind of flew round to the Ravenclaw dormitories to see… err… Dinkerella Pop and I kinda went in and gave her a shoe because of Cinderella. You know, Cinderella, Dinkerella? … Anyway, and then I went, and that's it really." Sirius flushed and then flushed even more, realizing how stupid he was for blushing, especially considering that he had been able to tell Dumbledore about the incident involving the transfiguration of Professor McNasty's chair into a Giant Horklump while he was still sitting in it, without so much as blinking.

Dumbledore was still sitting quietly, smiling in mild amusement and Sirius was beginning to squirm.

"Thank you Mister Black, you may go now."

Sirius blinked. This was also a first. He had definitely never ever got out of Dumbledore's office without so much as being mildly chastised.

"That's it?"

Dumbledore nodded slowly and looked steadily back at Sirius over his half moon glasses.

Sirius shook his head and stood, walking towards the door of the office. He pulled it open and turned back to the Professor.

"Are you sure? You don't want to give me detention or anything?"

Dumbledore sighed.

"Mister Black, I have to say that your story has amused me more than anything I have heard in a long time, and as unbelievable as it might seem, I can remember pursuing my fair share of young ladies." Dumbledore grinned as he reminisced. "I remember one particularly feisty witch who went by the name of Ruby Tuesday…"

Sirius blinked slightly as Dumbledore went vaguely misty eyed.

He wondered whether he should slip out of the room and leave Dumbledore undisturbed, but at that moment Dumbledore came back to life.

"Anyway Mister Black, might I suggest to you that just strike up a conversation with Miss Pop? Maybe the grand gestures of affection should come later when she's got used to your… dramatic ways?"

Sirius nodded dumbly. He could not believe he was getting advice on his love life from his Headmaster, it had to chart as one of the most surreal incidents in his life. Sirius turned and started down the stairs.

"Oh and Mister Black?"

Sirius stopped.

"Good luck."

Author's note: I will try and not make it as long until chapter 8… I promise


	8. If at first you don't succeed

Author Note: Chapter 8! Finally! I really thought I might never get here! I'd just like to say a huge thank you to all of my reviewers. It truly means a lot to me that you take the time to read my work and it really encourages me to continue it. Thank you so much to all of you.

Disclaimer: Nope, the Marauders still haven't fallen into my capable hands… dammit.

If at first you don't succeed….

Sirius flopped onto his bed in the Gryffindor Boys Dormitory and stared at the ceiling. He hadn't thought going back to Charms was a good idea; he didn't want to cause more havoc than necessary. This was a first for Sirius Black.

He rolled onto his side and stared out of the window. It was a pleasant day and he could see the first years out on their broomsticks learning to fly. Some of them were really, well, bad. They didn't seem to know one end of the broomstick from the other, and also seemed to have no sense of how to make a broom stop, which one particular Hufflepuff demonstrated when he flew slap-bang into Sirius' Dormitory window.

Sirius chuckled to himself and walked over to have a look at the impending havoc. He knew he had once been a novice too, but that really took the biscuit. He was quite an impressive flyer now, not as good as James, but then James was a Chaser on the Quidditch team and so should be fairly wise as to how to mount a broom.

Sirius watched as Madam Hooch picked up the small Hufflepuff Boy and poked him a bit with her wand, apparently giving him an earful. He definitely wouldn't be joining the house Quidditch team anytime soon. But Sirius wasn't really paying attention anymore. Slowly but surely a plan was forming in his tiny mind. Now this time, Dinkerella really wouldn't be able to resist.

At least he hoped she didn't…

* * *

"Alright, class dismissed." Professor Enchantment waved in the vague direction of the students in front of him, who had been watching the clock ever since Sirius had disappeared. There was a flurry of parchment and a cacophony of chair scraping as the entire classroom of students lurched towards the door at an alarming speed. All that is except Remus and James, who calmly stood up and gathered their things, walking to the door sedately, Remus bent over slightly due to the nausea that was already churning in his stomach. Barely 24 hours until the moon came up and he was not looking forward to it. He shuffled into the corridor and James glanced at him worriedly. The full moon hadn't affected him this badly for months and he was not keen on the green colour Remus had turned. Apart from anything else it clashed with his robes.

"Remus mate are you sure you're alright?"

Remus looked back at him through unfocused eyes.

"I'll survive," He forced a grin. "I always do."

"Look I think I should take you to Madam Pom-"

"Remus!"

James and Remus turned around to see the Ravenclaw who had passed Remus James' note walking towards them her hips swaying and her hair flying around her face.

"I'll catch you later mate," James winked and patted Remus on the shoulder, disappearing off down the corridor. He grabbed an approaching Peter by the back of the collar and dragged him backwards after himself, ignoring his muffled squeaks of 'What about Remus?'

Remus blinked and silently cursed James. Stupid James and his stupid glasses and his stupid hair and his stupid tongue that worked around girls.

"Remus, hi." As she stopped in front of Remus he instantly recognized her. He couldn't believe he hadn't before… although Sirius still had his glasses and his eyes had been throwing fifty fits trying to focus through out that lesson. She was, of course, that cause of all of his heartache in fifth year, Anastasia Reuben. Ravenclaw and pretty much the female equivalent of Sirius, having earned the status of most desired girl in the school fairly easily, because of her natural beauty, wit, intelligence and all around sexiness. Remus started to wrestle with his tongue.

"H-h-h-hi?" He blushed as he stuttered over the single syllable.

She smiled broadly.

"Hey, I was just thinking. You do Arithmancy don't you?"

Remus nodded. It was safer.

"Well, I've always been interested in it, and I was wondering if it might be possible for you to tutor me a little?" She smiled coyly and leant forward to brush a bit of 'lint' of his shirt.

Remus blinked and stared at the spot where she had touched him.

"So is that okay?"

Remus looked at her blankly.

"The tutoring?"

"Uh yeah. I mean yes! Sure!" Remus blurted, amazed at how well his tongue was suddenly working. Far too well in fact.

"Great! Well, I'll meet you in the library tomorrow at about 7.30 then?"

"Yes! Okay!" Remus kicked himself mentally. "I mean, sure whatever."

"Well, see you later then." She smiled at him and sauntered off down the corridor.

Remus watched her go, before waking up and realizing what a pillock he must look standing in the middle of the corridor gawping at a girl like he had never seen one before. He quickly snapped his mouth shut and spun on his heel, pushing his hair out of his now smiling face and walking briskly to Griffindor Tower. He suddenly didn't feel so sick.

* * *

Kara watched from the doorway of the Charms classroom with Dinkerella as Anastasia walked away leaving an ecstatic Remus standing alone in the middle of the corridor. She watched as a look of pure amazement crossed his face and he started back towards Griffindor Tower. She tried to not look too disappointed. She barely even spoke to him. Why should she care?

She was disturbed by Dink adjusting her books in her arms. She was blinking at Kara curiously from behind her rectangular glasses. Kara turned abruptly away.

"I need to go to library. I've got to look up something for Divination. I need to do it by Friday." Kara mumbled quickly.

Dink nodded.

"Okay, I've got to look up some Arithmancy. I'll come with you."  
Kara smiled at her gratefully.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

"No. No, no, no, no and oh guess what? No." James shook his head firmly and refused to listen to Sirius. "I am not going to help you. You are a pillock and I no longer wish to associate with your sort. Good day to you." He stood up and walked out of the dormitory where he had gone to wait for Remus, and discover whether or not Dumbledore had eaten Sirius alive.

"Bu- but…" Sirius leapt off the bed after him and ran down the stairs after his tall bespectacled best friend. "Please! Prongs! Pleeeeease!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

James turned to Sirius and looked at him in disbelief.

"Because, Padfoot my old chum, it is a stupid idea. Because it is even more hair-brained than all your other schemes squashed together, half-baked and seasoned with idiocy. Any other idea in the world would be better than this one. It won't work."

"Yes, but why?"

James looked ready to throttle Sirius and was beginning to wish Dumbledore _was_ an entirely unreasonable headmaster and had just expelled him after the incident with the stink bombs and the talking mina birds in first year.

"Hello?" Peter called up the staircase, coming round a bend. In his arms he held a two large boxes of doughnuts. "I got these for later, thought they might cheer Remus up."

James started down the stairs towards him.

"Come on Pete."

"What? Where? I just got here!"

"Sirius has a stupid plan and I do not want to be involved. It takes the biscuit."

"What is it?"

"You don't want to know."

James hurried Peter back down the stairs and into the Common Room.

"What is it?" Peter looked back at Sirius as James pushed him towards the portrait hole.

"You do _not_ want to know Peter, trust me. Sirius has finally gone out of his tiny little mind."

Peter remained curious. Sirius going out of his tiny little mind was a daily occurrence.

"What is it this time?"

James said nothing and fixed his eyes stonily ahead.

Sirius opened his mouth, with a sideways glance at James.

"Well-" He turned to focus his full attention on Peter. "I was just asking James to help me with an idea I had to win Dink over and he came over all irrational and-"

"Irrational! You'd be bloody irrational too!" James exploded. He turned to Peter. "He wanted me to pretend to be his boyfriend!"  
Peter blinked, looking from one face to the other. He burst out laughing.

"Oh good one guys! You didn't think you'd fool me that easily. Even Sirius isn't stupid enough to think that would work."

Peter was bent double, squashing the doughnuts and howling at the floor.

James tapped his foot, patiently waiting for him to finish.

"No. Peter I am actually serious." James didn't flinch.

"Girls love gay guys." Sirius added. "It might help James with Lily."

"They love them as _friends_. Even the most disturbed girl realises that if a guy is gay he _does not fancy women!_"

"Details, details…" Sirius waved his hand.

Peter sat down. Hard. Sirius could tell he was shocked because he dropped the boxes of doughnuts.

"But I thought you liked Lily James."

"I do!" James sounded frustrated.

"Sirius likes Dink."

"Yes, I do. I think…" Sirius was still confused on this matter.

"But now you're gay. I'm not gay… am I? Do I have to be gay too?" Peter was an odd one at the best of times.

"No Peter, no one is gay. You don't have to be gay." James soothed gently.

"But if you are that's fine." Sirius added quickly. "James isn't really homophobic."

"Homo what?" Peter was getting more confused by the minute.

"Nevermind." James helped Peter to his feet and started to drag him towards the portrait hole.

"So Sirius doesn't fancy you?"

"No. Sirius does not." James said, though he still felt troubled. Ever since that incident in the great hall he had wondered…

"No I don't." Sirius confirmed. "Not that James isn't damned foxy at times…"

The portrait hole slammed shut.

* * *

'Gah!" James and Peter collided with something solid and moving fast outside the portrait hole.

"Sorry! Sorry!" said the something. It had Remus' voice.

"Where's the fire?" James asked, "You're looking much healthier, what's up?" A look of realisation dawned over his face. "Oh I see. So what did Annie want then?"

Remus tried to look nonchalant.

"Oh you know. Arithmancy tutoring. No big deal."

James and Peter exchanged a look.

"Tutoring…" James began.

"Or _tutoring_?" Peter finished.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Tutoring. She just wants to know stuff about Arithmancy."

"She doesn't take Arithmancy."

"Of course she does…" Remus stopped. She didn't.

Peter and James looked at each other.

"Tutoring." They nodded their heads in agreement.

Remus shrugged.

"Remus, indulge us. How exactly did she ask you for this… err… tutoring?" James smiled innocently.

"What? Oh. Right. Well she just said 'would you mind tutoring me?' and I… err… said... yes." Remus shrugged.

"And that's it."

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes…"

"Moony…"

"Well she… err… kinda… um… brushed some lint off my shirt?" Remus blushed furiously; sure he was making a mountain out of a molehill.

"Lint?"

"Yes... Oh, look just forget it. I'm sure it was nothing," Remus snapped irritably. Though it was the single reason why he was walking on air and the full moon suddenly seemed like a trivial matter in comparison to Anastasia Reuben's smile.

"No, no wait." James put his hand on Remus' shoulder. "Was it like…" James prodded at Remus front "Or was it like…" James leant forward and brushed his hand lingeringly across Remus' chest, looking up at him through his lashes.

Before Remus had a chance to respond, a voice sprung from over his shoulder.

"Oh so you'll be all touchy-feely with Moony but not me. What's wrong with me, eh, Prongs?" Sirius stuck his head out of the portrait hole a very wounded look on his pretty face.

"Gah!" James stormed off down the corridor.

Sirius jumped out of the Portrait hole and shook his head.

"Okay, what was that about?" Remus asked a distinctly bemused expression crossing his face.

"You don't want to know." Peter cut in before Sirius could say anything. "But anyway. Anastasia. If it was like the second one I'd say-"

"Anastasia Reuben?" Sirius ears perked up, "What's this about Remus and Annie Reuben? She gave me a message for you that night in the dorm… 'Hi Remmie?' Something like that." Sirius shrugged.

Remus stared at him.

"Anyway, as I was saying." Peter looked at Sirius. "If the lint was removed in the fashion of the second demonstration I'd say phew!" Peter opened his eyes really wide.

"What?"

"You're in there mate, or my name's not Mr. Wormtail esq. Marauder extraordinaire." Peter was known to get a little carried away.

"Huh?"

"Look, I do pay a bit of attention to James and Sirius, even if you don't." Peter continued, putting his arm around Remus shoulder and gently turning him to face the fat lady. "And I reckon – Lions rule, Snakes drool – " The portrait swung open. "That you should have a shower, brush your hair a bit…"

The portrait hole swung shut and Sirius was left with a bemused expression on his face. That had to chart up with some of the most bizarre experiences of his life. Peter, giving Remus, advice on girls. He shook his head. His friends where most peculiar at times. Anyone would think that Remus had never had a date before. Of course he had, he was just scared of getting too close. He didn't think they'd accept him. Sirius shook his head, deciding that he'd leave Peter to have his moment of glory.

He started to walk down the corridor in he direction James had disappeared in. He'd have one last shot at convincing him and… Sirius stopped. He looked around himself before sticking his chest out several more inches than was natural, placing his left hand on his hip and strutting down the corridor. He might as well start as he meant to go on…

Author's Note: I keep getting emails asking me about the Pop Tart mentioned so prominently in my title, and I apologies for my lack of a clear answer up until now. It was simply a little bit of word play I was having with Dinkerella's name and the fact that Sirius clearly finds her tasty… So yeah. That's it. I've probably spoilt it for you all now, what with you thinking it had deep, dark hidden meanings… I'm so sorry... I'll just go away and cry now...


	9. Arithmancy and Ancient Runes: more than ...

**Author's Note:** I'm a dumbarse, but I just noticed a typo in the last chapter. Anastasia and Remus aren't meant to meet the next day, but the same evening, or it clashes with the full moon... I know, I know, I'm an idiot.

****

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anyone you have met in the Harry Potter universe. And I think with knowledge you can all rest easy tonight…

**Arithmancy and Ancient Runes: They're More Than Just Pretty Pebbles **

**Scaramouche Jay **

Remus Lupin sat on his bed in the Gryffindor dormitories and pretended to listen to Peter giving him advice on clothing and appropriate footwear for his role as 'tutor' that evening. It was beginning to strike Remus how annoying he found it when people made quote marks in the air with their fingers.

"So Moony, if she..."

Remus sighed deeply. If he hadn't been nervous about this whole tutoring thing with Anastasia before, then he definitely was now. Peter had single handedly managed to make Remus doubt everything he knew about girls, Arithmancy and had also managed to convince him that if he acted in a way that was in any shape or form recognizable as Remus Lupin, he was going to become totally unstuck, and all he would be suitable for would be pity dates, real tutoring or alternatively a monastery. He did not know how much longer he could put up with this soul destroying 'advice'.

"Moony, what the hell do you call this?" Peter held up Remus' favourite jumper, a soft mustard yellow baggy affair which had absolutely no shape and made Remus look rather like a sack of potatoes. A very comfortable sack of potatoes mind.

"My favourite jumper?"

Peter snorted and chucked it across the room in disgust.

"Hey!"

"Trust me Remus, wear that and there will not be a second date."

"But I wasn't going to wear it!" Remus protested, retrieving it from it's resting place of under Sirius bed. It was covered in dust, hair and little bits of uneaten chocolate frog. Remus brushed it off, before crossing the room back to his own bed, where he stowed it safely under his pillow and then sat on it. If only there were someway that he could distract...

"Oh my gosh! Remus we have to go! Dinner is almost over!" And with that Peter stood up and ran from what had once been Remus' neatly packed trunk, but was now what looked like the site of a large scale nuclear disaster.

Remus smiled, releasing a breath of relief. He stood and arched his back, stretching himself out. He checked that Peter had indeed gone down the stairs that led away from their dormitory then leapt nimbly across Sirius' bed and pulled a small mirror from his bedside draw. He squinted at himself, running a hand over his hair. He looked like he was going to drop dead at any moment. Great. He stowed the mirror back in its home, grimacing and picking up his school bag, which he had filled with Arithmancy textbooks, and slunk out the door after Peter.

* * *

Sirius snuck up to the door of his Charms classroom, silently counting himself in.

One… two… three… 

"A-HA!" Sirius cried, pointing at a very guilty looking… empty room. Sirius arms fell limply to his sides and screwed up his nose. Rats. James really didn't want to pretend to be gay with him. Stepping outside the empty classroom once more, Sirius heaved a deep sigh and leant on the wall. This plan was not going well. So far his newfound sexuality had only managed to scare several first years and caused Peeves to roll around laughing at his new-and-improved tight trousers. It had also provoked a blonde and rather dishy if-you-were-attracted-to-guys seventh year Hufflepuff to push a tiny piece of paper into his hand telling him to meet him on the top of the Astronomy Tower and to _come alone…_ Very perplexing.

He was about to give up his search for James, when two female voices alerted him to the approach of… well, two females.

Hastily straightening up, Sirius launched himself away from the wall and stuck his chest out, holding his head at a jauntier angle. He looked up the corridor and then down it, trying to decide which direction it would be best to head in.

He had barely decided upon this fact when the two voices gained bodies and names. Kara and Dinkerella were making there way down the corridor towards him, deep in conversation. Sirius guessed that they must've been on their way to the library, due to the fact they had their school bags with them which were stuffed with books. The fact that the corridor was a dead end which lead only to the library was also a slight give away.

Sirius didn't have time to decide which way to travel, as he had spent so long pontificating that the two girls had passed him, totally overlooking his presence, and disappeared through the doors of the library. Sirius stood frozen in shock as the door of the library swung shut behind the twosome. He began to stalk angrily sown the corridor, away from the library and towards Gryffindor Tower.

This could only mean one thing after all.

He needed a more impressive cravat.

* * *

Remus poked his food nervously around his plate. 7.15, nearly time to go to the library. He hadn't seen Anastasia the whole of the dinnertime and was beginning to wonder where she was. He turned his potatoes over as he nodded absently, totally ignoring everything that Peter was saying to him. He stood up abruptly. He didn't care if Peter thought that he seemed over eager by turning up early, he wanted five minutes on his own to hear his own thoughts. He thought this wise, as he maybe able to remember what his name was if he could just block out the non-stop flow of chatter that his left ear was being assaulted with.

He stepped over the bench on which he was seated, swinging his bag onto his back and starting determinedly for the door of the Great Hall.

"Remus! Where are you going? You don't want to seem too keen Moony!" Peters' voice was muffled with food as Remus exited the Hall. He pretended not to hear him.

* * *

Sirius stood before the mirror in the Gryffindor boy's dormitory adjusting his fresh, clean, blood-red and gold cravat, which he fluffed dramatically from his crisp, snow-white and rather frilly shirt. He smiled and ran a comb through his hair. Perfect. And with a final flash of his most ravishing smile in the mirror Sirius spun on his heel and set off the library. Dinkerella look out, Sirius Black is back in town.

However, 'perfect' was not what any other human being with any grasp of fashion would think when they saw him, neither would they think "There goes a dapper and dashing gentleman of ambiguous sexuality gone to woo fair damsel". Oh no. It was far more likely that they would think "Oh My God! McGonagall is going to kill him when she sees what he's done to her net curtains!"

* * *

Remus stalked purposefully into the library, crossing the floor swiftly and disappearing in amongst the books. Finally he was by himself. He could breathe. Heaving a sigh of relief, Remus glanced about himself and was both surprised and reassured to find himself in the Defence Against the Dark Arts section of the library. He spent much of his time here, not because he was a bookworm particularly, or especially bright, but because it was a way of escape. By reading about the dark arts and dark creatures, Remus felt that he was not giving into the enchantment that was upon his blood, that if he could somehow absorb this knowledge and help others to understand it and know how to use it, he could prevent others from a fate such as his. Prevent them from feeling themselves fall away as the dark creature took up its grip.

Remus had never explained this to Peter, James or Sirius. He knew they would tease him, not from cruelty, but because they couldn't understand how it felt to be locked away within yourself while some other consciousness took hold of what was once your body and bayed at the windows for the blood of your friends, your family… but never for that of your own kind. He knew they would tell him he was stupid to think this, but he didn't think it. He knew it. He wasn't their kind any more. He wasn't the same kind as James or Peter or Sirius, as anyone in this school or in his family. But he felt the presence of those like him in the forests, in the still of the night. He heard them, their calls making the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his skin tingle. And the part that scared him most was that part of him deep inside wanted to answer them. And that made him more afraid than anything else he knew of.

"Remus!"

A voice shattered Remus' thoughts as he thumbed the well-worn pages of a book on lycanthrope. He jumped slightly, dropping the book. It landed at Anastasia's feet, having fallen open at a page depicting a man in his changed state. Saliva was running down his chin and dripping onto his front paw as he stood, an unhinged glint in his eye, as he looked straight out of the page at Remus, accusingly. Annie smiled at him.

"I didn't mean to make you jump." She bent down to pick up the book and Remus swallowed nervously, flushing a crazy fuscia. She glanced at the page and then handed it back to Remus. She shivered slightly.

"Terrible isn't it?" Her brow furrowed slightly as Remus scrabbled for the book, shoving it back into its place on the shelf.

"Remus? Are you feeling okay?"

"Huh?" Remus stopped dead and took a deep breath, realizing he must look like a complete loon. "Yes, yes I'm fine." He smiled nervously, remembering who he was, who he was talking to and the fact that he was stood in the middle of the Defence Against the Dark Arts section of the library, clutching a satchel full of Arithmancy textbooks, pressed against a book shelf like he was some sort of spy.

"Are you sure?" Annie looked unconvinced.

"Yes," Remus flushed some more. "Shall we begin?"

"Begin?" Anastasia looked flustered.

"Arithmancy tutoring?" Remus said feeling rather stupid.

"Oh right yes." Annie smiled easily and linked her arm through Remus'. "Lead the way Professor Lupin."

* * *

Sirius paused outside the library doors. Peering through the glass panel set in the heavy wood, Sirius scanned the room in search of Dinkerella. As luck would have it she was sitting just in front of the doors. Her head was bent over a large heavy leather bound book, her glasses making a break for freedom, practically hanging of the end of her nose. She pushed them up efficiently and turned the page. She was sitting with Kara who was glancing distractedly around the library in a manner that she clearly thought surreptitious. It wasn't. She was jiggling her leg under the table and banging a pencil on top of another large book. Dinkerella glanced at her friend and furrowed her brow, clearly trying to think of something comforting to say. She glanced over towards the door and appeared to focus on Sirius, who turned up the wattage of his smile from radiant to dazzling and waved enthusiastically.

She looked away.

Sirius scowled and let his hand fall limply to his side. That was it. He took a deep breath. That was really it. If his plan didn't work this time he was going to give up, quit. He had more pride than to go chasing after a girl who didn't know he was alive. At least he thought he did… With this final puzzling thought, Sirius pushed open the library doors and entered, pausing for a moment in the doorway for added dramatic effect. Unfortunately for Sirius, he misjudged this moment, and, pausing for a second too long, Sirius indeed ended up the subject of amazed gasps… as the doors knocked him flying.

"Aaaaaaiiiiii!" Sirius connected with the wall on the opposite side of the corridor, landing in an undignified and rather crumpled heap.

Sirius lay there a moment. His cravat had come loose, flapping up over his eyes and he could not see. His shirt was untucked and rumpled. His trousers had split. A first year was standing, staring at his My Little Hippogriff boxer shorts and trying not to laugh. Dinkerella had not noticed.

"Sirius! Sirius! Are you alright?" A concerned voice coming from the direction of the library wafted to his ears and picked him up, setting him back on his feet. He felt it dust him down then finally flap the cravat down out of his eyes, at which point the voice looked at him with concern.

"Do you know your trousers have ripped?" Remus whispered, trying to maintain his look of concern, despite the overwhelming urge to laugh. Anastasia was standing behind Remus with concern and laughter in her eyes.

"Yes."

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Were you looking for Dinkerella?"

"Yes."

Remus nodded understandingly and patted Sirius consolingly on the shoulder. He shot a look at Anastasia who just smiled and shrugged back.

"Are you going back to the tower?" Remus asked eventually.

"No."

Sirius walked away from Remus and his outstretched hand and past Anastasia. He pushed open the library doors and strode in, letting them slam behind him.

"Shhhh!" Madam Pince spluttered as Sirius stalked across the room, his trouser leg flapping forlornly and his cravat flowing behind him in the breeze caused by his fast trot. He ignored her and continued his stomp until he came to a halt at his destination, Dinkerella's desk. Sirius stopped in front of it, panting slightly and not entirely sure what he was going to say.

He looked at Kara who was more than a little shocked at his disheveled state.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey." Her voice was soft and sad, her eyes flitting to look at a spot just over Sirius' shoulder where Remus hovered uncertainly.

Sirius looked at Dinkerella. He stared at the top of her head until she apparently either became aware of him or Kara kicked her under the table. She put her finger on the page where she had got to and then stuck in a bookmark. She shut the book. She pushed her glasses up her nose and folded her hands across the book. She looked up at Sirius inquisitively. She beamed.

"Hello."

Sirius' eye twitched. He stood there completely stupefied and stared. Dinkerella looked on benignly.

"Hello?" Sirius considered the word. "Hello?"

"Yes. Hello," Dinkerella smiled at him encouragingly, clearly thinking him a little slow.

Sirius did not know why but this one little word had him torn somewhere between hysterical laughter and a wild rage. Instead of submitting to either he pulled out a chair and sat down. He put his head in his hands. Dinkerella blinked at him for a few minutes before shrugging and reopening the book at the marked page. Sirius began to laugh. It was a quiet sound at first, only noticeable after it was realised that his shoulders were shaking and his eyes were also quite dry, but quite gradually it started to crescendo until even Dinkerella noticed it, and replaced her thumb on the page while she stared at him.

"Hello. Hello!" Sirius was muttering to himself now, and Dinkerella was finding it most disconcerting.

"Are you OK?" Dinkerella peered through her glasses at Sirius, and look of worry and interest on her face. Kara was ignoring them both, and staring across at the table where Remus and Anastasia were now seated, Remus deeply engrossed in explaining the importance of Arithmancy in everyday life, gesticulating animatedly, a faraway smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Anastasia was smiling at him, obviously thinking the same thing that Kara was. She wanted him to smile like that when he thought about her. She looked back down at her Divination book and tried to concentrate as Anastasia's laughter drifted over to her.

"I'm fine. Never better. Whatcha reading?" Sirius pulled himself together and managed to wake up enough to realise that he had achieved his goal. He was having a conversation. With Dinkerella. He, Sirius Black, was having a conversation with Dinkerella Pop, a girl who had managed to elude his charms with no sign of recognition longer than any other. He had flown around in the dark with glass shoes and pretended to be gay to get to this moment. He had nearly been clobbered by the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team. He had asked James to be his boyfriend. He cringed slightly. He became aware that she was answering his question and quickly tuned back in.

"_Ancient Runes: They're More Than Just Pretty Pebbles"_ Dinkerella flipped the book round to allow Sirius to read the title, which was elaborately engraved in silver onto its deep purple cover. Sirius beamed at the book.

"I've never taken Ancient Runes," Sirius ran his hand over the book, taking inspiration from where Anastasia sat, having finally lured Remus away from his teaching and into conversation. Sirius felt he really should have thought of this sooner. The dumb-but-wanting-to-learn track always worked with intellectuals. He glanced up at Dinkerella, who looked shocked that someone could have no knowledge of Ancient Runes. Sirius smiled, "Don't suppose you'd like to teach me a little?"

**Author's note:** Well I finally did it! Chapter 9! It has only taken me two months. :hides: I'm very sorry! I really didn't plan on leaving it this long, it wasn't intentional, things just get in the way. Anyway, enough of the pitiful excuses I hope this has been worth waiting for. As a peace offering I bring a one shot called _**Good Riddance **_though it is slightly depressing…

Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone who has been patient enough to stick with me and this story up until this point, it's been hard going but I really appreciate the support! I'd really appreciate your feedback on this chapter, as always all comments are valued. Thank you so much! :confetti:


	10. Just Another Full Moon: Time For My Midn...

**Author's Note:** Okay, I bashing out this chapter before inspiration deserts me, which could be at any time, in any place, with no warning. It's incredibly scary I can tell you.

**Disclaimer:** I'm working on it, but the werewolf traps just aren't working…

**Sirius Black and his Quest for the Pop Tart **

****

**Chapter 10: Just Another Full Moon: Time For My Midnight Disguise**

**Scaramouche Jay**

Sirius Black ducked through the doorway of the boy's shower room and breathed a sigh of relief, leaning heavily on the sink he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Pretending to be gay had seemed like such a good idea at the time, but now, he really wanted people to believe him when he said he was straight. He hadn't realised that after you come out of the closet, there's no going back in… even if you weren't in the closet in the first place. Apart from the obvious hard work being gay was (the obsessive grooming and washing really was beginning to take it out of him) it also meant that thousands of girls suddenly wanted to discuss hair care products, eyebrow plucking and _James Potter _with him.

Sirius was going to have nightmares for months, haunted by images of what girls wanted to do to his poor oblivious best friend. Poor James, poor, poor James. Sirius had always assumed that he was high up there in the girls stakes, well until Dinkerella had come along, but now, after his brief and terrifying dalliance inside their minds, he hoped no girl ever fancied him again. He was even beginning to wonder about Dinkerella and her brain functions.

He didn't think he wanted to be gay much longer; the talk of hormones put him off his food. It really was amazing what a change of sexuality could do.

Saying this, he was pleased with how well they had got on yesterday, sure most of the conversation had been about Ancient Runes, but still, it was a start, and now she had to speak to him at least once a week, what with the tutoring she had decided he desperately needed. All he had to do was convince her that there was more to him than just a mind deprived of Ancient Runes...

She had even _waved _at him in the Great Hall at breakfast time... Well, at least he thought she did. He couldn't be sure at all, as Niamh had said something particularly cutting about Arithmancy just moments earlier. (Sirius knew this because the wave had included a piece of toast in her hand and a dismayed cry of: "How can you _possibly_ think that Character Numbers have no affect on your daily life?! Are you _mad_?!")

Sirius was snapped out of this train of thought when he realised he was not, as previously assumed, alone. The water in the cubicle behind him was running, but the curtain was no longer drawn. A tall, copper-haired boy leant against the support that held the curtain up. He had bedroom eyes in a deep dark brown, and a healthy all over tan. Sirius swallowed and wished he didn't know that the tan was _all over_. The boy smiled and took a step towards Sirius.

"Hello Sailor," he purred.

Sirius spun around and panicked, he had no idea why the boy was calling him sailor, but he did know what that tone of voice meant, he had invented it for goodness sake. He also knew he wanted to run away. Very fast.

* * *

Remus Lupin flopped onto his four-poster bed. The day had dragged by for him, and he felt glad that it was finally over, though, of course, it meant that he had to get down to the shack as soon as possible. The moon was rising and he could already feel the hairs on the back of his neck quivering in anticipation. He rubbed it now, trying to release the tension that had his neck tied up in knots.

In two hours thick, coarse, grey hair would be sprouting all over his body, and the neck he rubbed now would be lengthening, becoming thicker, as his shoulders broadened and forced his upright torso to crash towards the floor, his arms would become powerful front legs, and his hands paws, as they lost their ink-stained fingers and claws took their place. He would feel his chest blow up as his ribcage jutted out at an unnatural angle until he felt his skin might burst.

A long shaggy tail would then lengthen from his spine, as his legs became stocky haunches and his lengthening ears sprouted tufts of fur. Last of all he would feel himself spiraling away, falling down a deep dark hole, as his snout protruded with its salivating fangs and bleeding gums. His golden eyes would be the last thing that resembled him, showing his fear and pain, fear he would do something unforgivable and pain from the physical and mental torture of this monster that lurked within. But before the transformation was done his eyes would yellow to a violent ochre, a maddened glint shining there. By the time you could see the tiny bit of Remus reflected in the pupil it was too late for you.

He could hear what was going on; see it as it happened through the dark tunnel, the well in which he was trapped, but he couldn't stop it, couldn't control it. He could only shiver, as his body became something that was no longer his own, feel the thirst of this parasite that slept within him until the time when the moon was at its most complete.

He sighed and stood again. Of course this was only after the sweats, the spasms that would wrack his body for the next two hours, the gasping breaths as someone took hold of his heart and twisted it.

He would meet the others there. He felt nauseous and didn't think that he could face any dinner.

* * *

James Potter stuck his head out of the doorway to his transfiguration classroom. He checked left, he checked right. When he had fully satisfied himself that there was no need to fear the corridor (i.e. Sirius was no where in sight with his new found homosexual tendencies) he stepped out and took up a brisk trot towards the Gryffindor Tower. He needed to dump his books quickly, grab some food and hurry over the Willow. He didn't want to be shut out, like last month, when he had nearly had the door shut in his face for being so late.

He had to move especially quickly this month, because he had stayed behind after Transfiguration. Voluntarily. James Potter never stayed behind after classes. Well that isn't exactly true. He never stayed behind class _voluntarily_. And if he was truly honest, he hadn't wanted to help MacGonagall put away the iguanas and toucans that they had been using that lesson, or rectify them to the proper state. (They had been transfiguring them into hat stands, and more than one or two of the results where the things of nightmares). This had taken him the best part of half an hour, but it had allowed him to avoid Sirius. He knew he would have to be locked up with him all night, but that he could handle. Dogs didn't have vocal chords and neither did they mince as they walked, and he thought that interspecies relations were something that even Sirius drew the line at.

James took large paces as he worked his way down the corridor and up the staircase; he glanced about himself and peered into every classroom he passed. He didn't want any surprises from Sirius. In fact, he was so intent on avoiding Sirius that he didn't see the girl walking towards him down the corridor, equally distracted. He also didn't see that she didn't see him, so it was only inevitable when...

"Watch out!"

"OUCH!"

There was a clatter as two bags fell from shoulders, spilling their contents across the deserted corridor.

"I'm sorry," James scrabbled around collecting up the books that were lying at his feet. He hastily pilled parchment, quills and books together. "I didn't see you there, I should watch where I'm going."

"Yes you should."

James looked up and straight into the startled eyes of Lily Evans. His mouth hung slightly open and he flapped it uselessly for a minute, before he realised that the goldfish look was never attractive. He snapped it shut. Lily, however, had already gathered herself together and had set about gathering the few remaining quills at their feet. James watched as she did this, vaguely considering asking her out. He didn't. He had been harassing her since... It suddenly struck James he couldn't remember a time when harassing Lily hadn't been a daily activity, and anyway it hadn't worked yet, so what was the point? He couldn't let Remus down. Not tonight.

She stood. James took this as his cue to do the same, and rose to his feet, throwing his bag over his shoulder. Lily met his eyes and smiled briefly holding her bag open for him to put her books inside. James dropped them in.

They stood opposite each other for a minute before James took a step back.

"Anyway I'm sorry, I'll pay more attention in future."

Lily nodded, shifting her bag further up her shoulder.

James nodded half to himself.

"Well, bye," He stepped around her and carried on his way, he couldn't be late, it was too important, more important even, that chatting up Lily Evans. He turned the corner towards the Gryffindor Tower. He didn't look back.

* * *

Lily Evans watched as James Potter turned the corner at the end of the corridor. She was slightly stunned. She couldn't really remember a time before this that she had bumped into Potter and not been harassed to go out with him. She couldn't remember the last time she hadn't wanted to scream in frustration at the sight of him. It was weird, but she almost wanted to call him back and demand the usual declaration of adoration.

Finally, she set off, walking slowly down the corridor. She didn't like to admit it, but she felt disappointed. She had always thought that the day James Potter realised that she would rather lance a boil on Professor Fester's backside than go out with such an arrogant pillock she would rejoice, but she felt strangely hollow. Why had he suddenly given up? When did he stop being so arrogant? It had almost seemed that the arrogance had drained from him like a burst balloon right before her eyes. Did he not fancy her any more? Did he realise that he was just persisting out of habit?

She mentally shook herself. What was up with all this vanity? It was good that Potter had finally got the message. Life could only get better from here on in. And thus, a confused Lily Evans continued down the corridor, trying to think of anything but what had just happened.

* * *

James Potter's satchel flew across the room as he chucked it in the vague direction of his bed, where it landed and promptly spilled its entire contents across the bed. It seemed to like doing that today and that was fine, if that's what his satchel wanted to do with its life, fine. James ripped his shirt of over his head and threw it in a heap, along with his shoes and trousers. He scrabbled through his chest and pulled out an old baggy T-Shirt emblazoned with a picture of the deceased Jim Morrison on it and a large hole by the hem, and a pair of dodgy linen trousers that his mother had thought were 'pretty groovy'. He threw them on, and picked up the cloak. He had to get down the kitchens sharpish where Peter was picking up the food supplies. He cast one last look around the dormitory to check that nothing of vital importance was forgotten... Wand.

James dived at the bed and scrabbled through the various items that lay there, having fallen from his bag. He found it sticking out of the top of his transfiguration textbook, which he then carefully stored in a heap on the floor, because the Charms textbook that _was not his_ that _was_ resting on _his_ bed had distracted him. He knew it wasn't his because Sirius had not altered the title of this one in a rude way, and all the cover was still bright red and not in the least bit dog-eared. He picked it up and flicked open the front cover.

_Lily Evans, __Gryffindor Tower _

James stared at the page for a minute then snapped the book shut. He must have given Lily his. Tearing a piece of parchment from the sheet that lay in a rather crumpled mess on the bed her hastily scrawled a note and stuck it inside the front cover. He carried the book over to the tawny owl that sat on the windowsill. The owl was his own, a gift from an elderly aunt who still didn't know his name (she insisted it was Timon). But she gave good presents, and in her honour the owl had taken the name of which she was so fond. Timon the owl hooted sedately and looked at James through one eye. He held the book out and the owl regarded it lazily before taking a grip on it and looking expectantly at the window, which James opened.

"Hey Timon, take this to Lily Evans for me," James told him, and Timon clicked his beak. He watched for a moment as Timon swooped idly out of the window before pegging it back over to the bed, swinging on his cloak and disappearing entirely.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew adjusted the backpack he had swung over his shoulder, filled with food for that night. A large amount of the space was filled with water for Remus the following morning; the tremendous strain of the transformation combined with the howling made him incredibly thirsty. He tried to look nonchalant as he leant on the wall beside the portrait of the fruit bowl. He tried to look full of purpose, a casual arrogance resting around his shoulders like a sweater. He was failing. He looked agitated and knew he did. He always did. It was probably something to do with the fact the James Potter was such an abominable timekeeper, and always turned up by the skin of his teeth, with barely a second to spare till they had to be in the shack. But he must know what he was doing, and he was right; risks made life more fun.

Adjusting the backpack again, Peter then looked up and down the corridor, which was a completely pointless exercise, because he knew that James would be in the cloak. It allowed him to wear ratty old clothes that could get covered it dirt and grime in the Shack and the surrounding countryside without a day of mourning being declared, because under the cloak no one could see him. He was very vain at times.

Peter didn't see the point in being vain. When your best friends were some of the most attractive boys in the school, and you were rather dumpy and had acne on your chin, there seemed to be very little point. Peter loved his friends, but sometimes he wished that they could be a little bit more, well, _ugly_. He was sure that was what he was, or at the best, below average.

His arms and legs sprouted from his body and were far too skinny for the rest of him, which was sort of round to match his head. He didn't have cheekbones, and was unsure when his body would decide to shed the puppy fat that he had carried around with him for so long and decide to give him the sort of jaw line that even Reggie Rolands (the heartthrob actor who had starred in such classics as _You've Got Owls _and _Never Been Cursed_)would kill for. His hair was an all right colour he supposed, a flaxen sort of colour that went streaky in the sun, but it was just there. It wouldn't grow long like Sirius', it didn't flop like Remus' and it wasn't thick and willful like James'. It was just… there. But His eyes were clear blue and crinkled when he smiled. When he smiled he was almost above average.

This was why he had been so enthralled in giving Remus advice about Anastasia the day before. In that way he could get excited about Remus' potential girlfriend, in a way he hadn't had the opportunity to be about himself. He had never really had a girlfriend.

Peter leant on the wall, lost in thought and studying the picture in front of him intently, so intently that he almost didn't hear the approach of three female Hufflepuff fifth years, giggling and laughing something chronic. Almost. Just in time, in Peter's opinion, he swung himself around a corner and out of sight of the three. He hated it when girls giggled. He always thought that they were laughing at him. They disappeared off down the corridor and out of sight, obviously on their way to their common room. Peter stepped out of his hiding place, breathing a sigh of relief. He walked slap into James Potter 's smiling face.

"Bloody hell! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Peter clutched at his chest to illustrate his point. James ignored this comment.

"You know Peter, you're never going to get a girlfriend if you carry on like that."

James wrapped the cloak around the two of them and started down the corridor.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Peter said, blushing a furious fuscia.

James shook his head, before seizing the backpack from Peters shoulder and rummaged through it. He let out an excited yelp. "Mint Cake! Wormtail you've out done yourself!"

Peter smiled. It felt good to be praised.

James grinned back at him and picked up the pace slightly.

"We better hurry though, ten minutes until lock down."

Peter groaned. For his next birthday, James was getting an alarm clock he could strap to his head. But regardless they reached the Whomping Willow with time to spare. James whipped the cloak off with a flourish and stood before Sirius and Remus, who lay just out of hitting distance of the tree.

"Taa-Daa!" James beamed at the two of them, before his brow furrowed. Peter was already crouched by his friend. "Moony?" James dropped to his knees beside Remus who was shaking and sweating profusely.

"Hey Prongs, about time," Remus managed to smile weakly, but a spasm wracked his body and he gasped for air, clawing at his chest. James and Peter looked across at Sirius, who was chewing his lip nervously.

"He's been like this for around half an hour, I tried to get him into shack, but this damned tree won't stop thrashing," Sirius blew up on his hair in frustration and threw a stick at the tree, which was knocked far out across the Lake. Peter stood up. Although he hated to see his friend in such pain, he loved feeling useful. He could do something the rest struggled with. Quick as a flash he was scurrying towards the tree on his four legs, pushing the knot and then scratching behind his ear with his hind foot. He wished he were this bendy in his human form.

He returned from his rat form and turned to watch as James picked up the backpack and cloak and Sirius, scooped up Remus, supporting him under his arms and trying to convince Remus he wouldn't drop him.

"Remus, I swear I won't drop you, it's fine you aren't a burden… stop being difficult!" Sirius was trying to put Remus in a fireman's lift, but he was being stubborn.

"Don't be silly I can walk." Remus had his whole weight on Sirius and it was clear that walking was not going to be happening. James looked helpless, as Sirius tried to gently pries Remus arms from around his neck.

"Moony…"

"Padfoot…"

Peter strode back to his friends, and took Remus under the right arm; his left remaining hooked around Sirius' neck.

"Sure you can walk," Peter and Sirius exchanged a look and very slowly the four boys made there way into the tree and down into the tunnel. Everyone could tell it was going to be a long night.

Making their way down the long, damp tunnel, Remus whimpering with every step, but too stubborn to allow himself to be carried. Eventually with sight of the door, he collapsed onto Sirius who picked him up in an awkward sort of backwards piggyback, leaving Peter and James to run ahead and unlock the door. They quickly set about moving furniture and sorting out the things that they had with them, locking the doors and windows tight and checking the magical reinforcements on the structure. Sirius stumbled up the rickety stairs, and was nearly at the top, Remus and all before either Peter or James had the fortitude to help him. Remus hadn't had such a bad transformation for many months, and they could tell that they would not be able to leave the shack this month. Remus' demon would be too powerful.

Slowly, Sirius lowered Remus onto the bed as James and Peter removed any sharp wood from the frame where it had been splintered and gnawed in previous nights.

"There you go Moon-boy." Sirius gently laid Remus onto the sagging mattress and then flopped down next to him to catch his breath. James and Peter exchanged a look, before joining the shaking Remus and the panting Sirius. They sat for a moment, not saying anything before James glanced out of the window.

"It's time," James said. He squeezed Remus' arm before stepping away from the bed, Peter following suit with a deep swallow and worry in his eyes at the fever that had broken out across Remus' brow. Sirius too, rose.

"Hang in there Moony, we're right here."

Remus' face was screwed up and he was panting. He was fighting the transformation, he always did. Sirius wiped at Remus brow with his shirttails and Remus' eyes opened a crack. They were full of pain, fear and something else. Gratitude.

"Thanks Padfoot." His voice cracked over the whisper, a smile playing at his lips.

"You're welcome," Sirius had barely said the words when Remus screamed; slicing Sirius in two as his transformation began. Sirius, James and Peter cringed and squeezed their eyes shut, as they became their animal selves.

There was nothing that the dog, stag and rat could do now but watch and wait.

**Author's Note:** What do you think? I know it's quite different from the previous chapters, but I thought that the transformation and all that went with it was important in understanding the friendship between the marauders, and I had foreshadowed it so much I decided it was impossible to leave out, even though I know all marauders fics seem to have a randomly places full moon chapter. I hope I managed to stop it being too similar to works already out there based around similar topics.

I would like to point out that my description of Peter is purely from my own screwed up head. I hate the way that he is so often made out to be a complete loser in the looks department while the other three are made to sound like Greek Gods. Hence, for the purpose of my story, even if it is moving away from the books I felt I should balance him out a little, as the way that I have written the relationship between the four is quite different in some respects to the books anyway and… well yeah and stuff…

Anyway, there's Chapter 10 for your reading pleasure. I hope you enjoyed it. It's quite different from my other chapters, and a fair bit longer, but please tell me what you think! I don't think I'll be getting that angsty again for a while, it should be back to happy-Sirius land next chapter, but you never know what the muses will bring…

Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed my last chapter. I know it was a long time in the pipeline, and thought I shouldn't make you wait so long for this one! Every review is read and appreciated so if you've got a spare five minutes I'd really welcome any thoughts you have about this. Thank you again!


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